uber long post expected

i have now realized the convenience of having a yellow layout. yellow makes me happy. and it keeps me from posting sad stuff..and if i do, i tend to delete it because it doesn't feel right.

i have also realized the goodness of boredom. it forces you to think. like devious plans for world peace. or world domination. mostly, crappy plans for the year. i'm also thinking of how much i hate desire..and how i can't entirely remove desire anyway, so i'm letting it drive me...using it as motivation, you know? so yeah, mostly things like that are going through my head nowadays.

i'm thinking of the future and what will become of my life...haha, everyone seems to be nowadays. i mean, the people around me are thinking about it, which kinda sucks. personally i'd love to just soar into the great unknown however cheesy that might sound. it just seems to be a better idea than planning the future and getting disappointed that your plan didn't work out. like those filthy rich sad people. but yeah, the pressure's there. so i guess i should at least plan a fraction of it like college stuff. i don't know yet what i really really want. i have my options listed but i don't know what i'd want to do for the rest of my life.

i'm psyched for school, i can't wait. it's waaaay better than being stuck here at home, but when school comes i guess i'll be longing for summer again, thinking that it'll be an escapade of some sort when i'm just stuck at home mostly anyway.

i haven't gone to the beach the whole summer. work. ain't my summer beautiful.

oh well. i realized that i've been too angsty the past few. even my mom noticed. but hey not my fault, that's how it is when you're stuck at home. you become a batty old spinster. yeah, take those cliche women who scream at the mailman with their rollers still in their heads. yeah, being stuck at home does that to people. i try not to blame anyone, but it's really FRUSTRATING. just being here, and when i'm old i'll look back at these days and regret everything. it's annoying and it gets to my nerves. i'm hating a lot of things right now, and it's not the way it's supposed to be. i never really hated them before, never let those things ruin my mood and here i am, and i hate it. i hate it. i hate it.

that helped.

i'm looking at the year ahead. and just thinking of it seems difficult. but i think i'll get by. like everyone. ;)

what else. (i'm making this as long as possible to burn time)

oh yeah, i'm looking forward to a lot of things, i'm kinda psyched just thinking about it, because compared to this chair and this keyboard, this computer, this sad state, everything else seems to be loads of fun. i'm looking forward to:

1. katha's arrival (i hope ya see this kat)
2. going out with m and k
3. that trip, wherever it may be, even just in canyon or wherever
4. MADAGASCAR heehee :D
5. AI finals
6. company classes resuming
7. BACK TO SCHOOL :D however geeky that sounds
8. prom planning
9. the prom itself. (which is about a million years from now but hey time flies)
10. gc stuff
11. my birthday. yes i know it's about a decade from now but i want a new camera i dont care if i dont have a party or anything, just that.
12. november. don't ask :D
13. july. half blood prince,

yes, that's only what i can think of at the moment as my brain is now begging me to stop this nonsense.

i'm starting to get used to doing things routinely, and it isn't too bad. it's possible. maybe i'll be able to study well too. i hope. junior year's crucial.

i am abnegating (haha nice word) iced tea and coke and powdered juice. well, lessening intake anyway. haha, it could make your teeth yellow, i heard. no matter how much i like yellow, i don't want my teeth to be. so yeah, it'll pay off in the long run.

whew. that was long. i wonder what i'll do next. it's only 3pm and i have run out of things to do. ciao!!:D hope you didn't read all of that. ;)

:: i feel like when i'm old, i'll look at you and know the world was beautiful ::