and there were many before me

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.

for some reason, i feel braver now. so many things are coming after me and yet there's some sort of quiet inside me...a feeling that things will be okay. whom shall i fear? we've been given so much and life is so so so beautiful. we shouldn't just go through it. i want to savor every waking moment. i want to dream every wasted dream. i want to stop caring. i mean i still ought to care about grades and stuff, but yeah. i don't want to have an idle mind ever.

things have been so unforgiving lately, but i'm happy. the aeta immersion has been cancelled and that's like cancelling prom, just worse in 26 different ways. it fills me with extreme sadness but i guess i have to live with it.

i'm scared but i'll try to be brave. that's all i can ever do. and i have to exert effort too. my grades suck. i'll probably get a 3 or less. i feel bad about that. so i'll do something about it. i haven't punished myself enough. haha. but oh well. what can i do. i keep on wanting to be more than this. but for some reason, things are changing. i'm content with the way things are. i'm not depressed. i don't sleep at 3 am anymore. i don't starve myself anymore. but i still bite my nails. the battle has yet to be won. i want to own this. i want to be accountable for my choices and i guess i've made a few errors here and there, but that one, i'm not so sure. you'll always be a part of me and i'll always always hope you come back.

i am in need of presence of mind. daydreaming is my downfall. it gets me off guard and i tend to forget that the real world is under my feet and not over my head but oh well. i feel good that i'm laughing about this now.

i had the worst nightmare of my life. ever. but because of this, my faith has never been stronger. i want to change the world for the better. but yeah. one at a time.

i'm confused

Love is not love which alters, when an alteration finds. It is never a fixed mark that looks on tempis. And is never shaken. Love alters not with time's brief hours and weeks, but bears it out, even till the edge of doom.