i want to learn how.. this is so difficult and i don't get things.. i don't get how love could be like this.. if this is love.. it hurts me and i hate it..

sometimes i ask myself if i still know you.

Always

I've been here before a few times
And I'm quite aware we're dying
And your hands they shake with goodbyes
So here I am I'm trying
So here I am are you ready

Come on let me hold you touch you feel you
Always
Kiss you taste you all night
Always

And I'll miss your laugh your smile
I'll admit I'm wrong if you'd tell me
I'm so sick of fights I hate them
Lets start this again for real

So here I am I'm trying
So here I am are you ready
So here I am I'm trying
So here I am are you ready

Come on let me hold you touch you feel you
Always
Kiss you taste you all night
Always
Come on let me hold you touch you feel you
Always
Kiss you taste you all night
Always

I've been here before a few times
And I'm quite aware we're dying

Come on let me hold you touch you feel you
Always
Kiss you taste you all night
Always
Come on let me hold you touch you feel you
Always
Kiss you taste you all night
Always
Always
Always

your heart isn't into it

it's easier to command your actions than to command your heart. and when you aren't there, your heart isn't either. i'm sucking it in. i'm doing your part. i don't understand, but i'll do it anyway. i'll swing from a streetlight..stuck in the meantime. i'll be out of this rut soon, if not cause of you, cause of me. of my decisions. one decision maybe. today was such an off day. so alone, i feel. well, not too, but i need someone who will talk with me about my thoughts. all of my friends are just too far..well not too far, but i'm just scared. i'm scared again. in all this, i just turn to God. think of people who so care for me. my mom who texts me so often even if i don't always reply. people who love me so encompassingly i think.

Cause people dont take chances with their hearts
Since Ive met you I am past the hardest part
So remember one thing
I will never let you down
Im trying to keep...
Sometimes you feel defeated
But its ok...
Youre not the only one
And all the complications,
The bad situations - happen to everyone
It doesnt matter how it ended or began
Sometimes the best that you can do is change your plans
I hope you understand that
I will never let you down
Im trying to keep...

stay where i can see you

I've got all of the time in the world
To do with what we please
If it were up to me
We'd have all of the time in the world

Just stay right where I can see you
When you go away I get so low
Like temperatures when they're at their coldest
When you go away I get so lonely
And I'm stranded by the side of the bed


If it were up to me
We'd have everything we need
You'd have me, and I'd have you

Just stay right where I could be-
Anyone you want
I'm glad I got the job
We've got something in mind
And I've got all this time

When you go away I get so low
Like temperatures when they're at their coldest
When you go away I get so lonely
And I'm stranded by the side of the bed

Just stay right where I can see you
Just stay right where I can..where I can see you
When you go away I get so low
Like temperatures when they're at their coldest
When you go away I get so lonely
And I'm stranded by the 1! 2!

When you go away I get so low
Like temperatures when they're at their coldest
Once you go away I get so lonely
When you go away I get so lonely

evasion

it's resistance and evasion, says john fiske. i can't resist and all i get is evasion.

what the.

20 things

List 20 things you want to say to certain people but know you never will. Don't say who they are. Then, post the list entitle "20 things i want to say to certain people".

1. i think that my life is spectacular, because of the fact that you've never been there.

2. i wish i had spent more time with you before you died. i miss you too much, and we've fallen apart without you.

3. i love him, and i don't regret losing you cause it means i have him. i'm sorry.

4. you are who you are because you wanted to compete with me, but it's not your fault, i love you.

5. be friends with me again. that's how it started, anyway. you're too far, and i can't be who you want me to be.

6. thank you for protecting me, and for always being so dependable. you deserve to be more than a housekeeper, and you deserve a better life than that.. it's people like you who inspire me.

7. i hate you so much. you don't even deserve to be thought of or talked to i don't want to give up my values for that. the thing i don't like most about you is you lack of faith.

8. you've stained me, and when you become like your father, i won't take you in my house. i am strong only because you guys backed me up.

9. you're more to me than a sister. sometimes i wish you were kinder to people though.

10. i wish that you could love me the same way as you did before.

11. i know that we would've been perfect. but you were just so inconsistent, and there are too many complications. i know it hurts you now, and sorry's all i can say..

12. i'm not just settling. i want this more than i ever wanted you. for so long you were so important and wonderful and i loved you, but you changed too much. i know i'm important to you too, though. it feels good that you want to be something more with me when we're older but i don't think i could give you that.

13. i'm not sure, but i want to trust you. sometimes i just don't understand. i want so badly to be treated like a princess, and that's a secret. i've always just been waiting and now i'm down on my knees.

14. i wish you didn't quit. it's catastrophic. seriously.

15. you made me feel awful about being nice.

16. sometimes i wish you would leave me alone, but i just pity you so much that i'm staying.

17. i think so lowly of you.

18. i could be so much more if your words didn't put me down so early.

19. i'm better than that person. i sincerely think that. i'm proud of who i am, and if you can't embrace that soon enough i'll be gone.

20. thank you so much. because of you, my life is beautiful. i know i'm where i am because you just couldn't put me there, and i would've thrown a fit if you weren't so amazing and honest and open. and now i'm here, and i'm glad i'm making you proud. all of this is for you, and i'm trying even more for you. i want to make you happy.

The Closest Thing

You're the words that come out easy,
And I am speechless at best.
Your star it seems to shine above the rest.
You're the face before the cameras,
The smile i'd like to earn.
The closest thing to perfect,
In a hollywood to burn.
You're the beauty that is deeper,
Than eyes can merely see.
The closest thing to perfect.
But And the farthest nearest thing from to me.

I'd love to be I love being,
The shoulder that you cry on.
I'd love to be I love being,
The friend you call when things are great.

You're the dream that hasn't ended,
And I'm still anxious for rest.
Your words they seem to hang above my head.
You're the bud before the flower,
Unfurls into full bloom.
Captivating beauty,
But it maybe all too soon.
You're the song that writes a story,
But leaves a lot to read.
The closest thing to perfect,
But And the farthest nearest thing from to me.


And like I really deserve ai take every chance to,
Sit across the table,
And tell you that I think you're wonderful.
And I think you're something special.
I guess this is my only chance to,
SayI wish thank God I knew you,
Because I'm sure you're wonderful,
If I'd get to know you.
And now it's me and you.

i feel lonely

okay, so maybe it's because i'm alone in my room right now and there's no one to talk to.. haha! anyway, i finally have my star shoes. weee. i want to pimp it but it scares me. this week has definitely been fun, for the most part. maybe it's because i'm generally happier now. i've been thanking God so much. i have so many blessings. i don't have everything i want, but i am happy. i realize how important it is to have a bestfriend. katha definitely gets my drift.

today my mom told me about kuya alan. he was going to buy his wedding rings. his budget was just 1k, for both rings. i can't imagine how humbling the wedding will be. they decided to not get married in church anymore, cause it's too expensive cause you'll have to have a reception after. he's leaving our house and i almost cried cause he was such a good kasambahay, to be politically correct. he'll take care of animals from now on, that's what he says. it's sad. i mean, happy for him, he's getting married, but i feel like crap cause i don't know, 1k is what? a shirt or 2 for me, and that's 2 wedding rings for him.. and i've always seen weddings as magical. i'm not saying this isn't but for it to take so much from them like their jobs just to be together, that's love.

anywya, i finished harry potter 7 already, and omgitwascool. i'm such a sucker for potter. such a guilty pleasure. jk rowling is a genius. i give her that. the way she wrote it was so nice. i really believe in loyalty and selflessness. i learned that as a kid, when i first read potter. it's taught me so much. tears im getting emotional that it just ended. no more harry potter save for the movies. it's sad that they never show peeves in the movies though. i wish magic were real sometimes. life would be so pretty that way. oh, and i think jk would be such a good psycho analyst. i now know why snape is like that, and petunia, and dumbledore and everyone else. i think jk rowling is one of the people i'd like to meet before i die, though i might've conversed with her a million times already in reading harry potter.

oh i wish i could have infinite free cuts. haha but then i'd miss school and wish for it. it's such a sick cycle.

i miss singing. i wish i could sing forever. and take pictures. and save people. and fight for what's right. i guess that's why i'm in UP too. to see people of infinitely different walks. it's so magical. and i love it, i love how people are responsible. when i look at people though, i imagine them as high school geeks. haha.

i wish i were tonks. i often want new haircuts. haha but then i miss long hair. i'm so so undecisive haha oh well. i wish i were a little more wild sometimes. i guess i need to be around more impulsive people. haha! anyway i feel like a spaceman cause my things are outerspacey.

oohh i can't wait to be with reiny again. hugs.