i feel motivated!

maybe it's the fact that it's 1:44 am or the fact that i came from a state of utter confusion, but whatever that is, i feel motivated right now. what a lame title.

i mean wtf, all the judgmental people around me shouldn't stop me from living life the way i want to live it. maybe thats what has been stopping me and maybe i should get away from these people. they get me scared.

okay, so tomorrow is homework day. i have to plan the break.

by the end of the year:

1. write year end thank you's
2. write down my fears and stuff
3. get away from the shadow(s) of *toooooot* and try to see where i fit in the big picture
4. read part of el fili
5. read part of animal farm
6. all the prom stuff that we wrote down
7. the gifts
8. erase all the negative thoughts i have against *tooot*
9. my resolutions
10. the la mesa dam thing
11. work my ass off for the things i want
12. do the things i've always feared. YEAH!!
13. do what i want and not what...they.want.
14. try positivism again
15. read, watch tv, dance, run, draw, sing, whatever
16. save up!!
17. find what i want, what i need, what i want to do, who i want to be etc etc etc etc etc.\
18. live

i have to believe in myself. no one else will. i need to think of a creative closure though.

and i also have to separate my far fetched dreams from my realistic ones. and do the realistic ones first. *realityhitsmeinhead*

omg i just thought that someone looked gay! i feel so happy for myself!! haha. FINALLY all of it is gone! i mean i cant completely take it away but a big chink of it is gone!! whew! isang tingin lang pala! wowowwwwwwww! i feel happy. about that. it's gone! hahahahaha wow

live mode!! oh hannah i know you can do it! hyper is good hyper is GOOD!

i am someone with a BAAAAD case of inferiority complex, but guru yots told me to use it to my advantage. thank you, guru yots! to figure out how, i will do so in the duration of the break.

i must keep legally blonde in mind. it's a truly moving film. haha.

what i learned for the past few:

1. never wear flips when it's muddy
2. never ever tell tito jokes again.
3. don't ask chain smokers to quit.
4. rocket ships are good places to ask people to the prom! hahahahaha
5. listening pays off. a lot!
6. continuous crunches using the anna technique (heeeehee) will make your tummy flat and achy in a good way
7. shopping is not therapy, it sucks. so does the food.
8. and when having an identity crisis, it is useful to feel very depressed at first. haha!

Ninety-nine dreams I have had
And every one a red balloon
It's all over, and I'm standing pretty
In the dust that was a city
I could find a souvenir
Just to prove the world was here
Here it is, a red balloon
I think of you and let it go