it's all for you.. and my worst pains are words i cannot say

still i will always..

i don't need this from you today. i'm sorry.

there's so much on my mind. my thoughts are like little insects that eat me up whole.i can't explain it. it's today. like tears are welling up inside my head and im just to stubborn to let them out so i resort to silence and laughter.

and my one saving grace.. i guess not tonight. i must have done something wrong.

why is this happening to me? i guess it's God shaping me. maybe things will work out fine in the end. i hope they will. i just..i dunno. i was on the verge of losing one things.

lately i think im being detached from things i've always held on to. on purpose? i don't know. i don't know anything anymore. i'm shaken up.

i miss feeling close to God, i miss praying and thinking that things will be fine. i guess i have to put more faith--in things, in people, in God. it's all i have. i need to count my blessings. it's hard when bugging things outweigh them though. lately im just quiet but there's just so much.

why this one toooooooooooooooooo whyyy. i feel so worthless. maybe i am. wait no one is. maybe im making myself worthless. i try not to. i just dont know where to put time. i feel so selfish lately with my prayers. maybe i am. sometimes i really really think that since i was a mistake in the first place maybe its all an accident and im just a filler or a burden i dunno that scares me a lot. what scares me most is this process of losing. its so hard to just accept. if only i were a little bit more like the lifers i have for friends.

aaaahck. and i thought it would be there even for a while. today im wrong. i got hurt