of the stars

she asked me if i still loved you. i kept quiet. i had to. she smiled and said it's okay. well, it isn't. i still do like you..you just don't know it. i said maybe i do. and i knew i did. and i can't explain the way it felt, how hard it was to admit it. how easy it was to say no, but how hard it was to admit otherwise. and you don't know it, how hard the way things are for me, in losing something i thought was there, something we sorta had. and it's weird, the way a question can peirce your heart. i mean, what happened anyway? we'd have been so simple together, happy. i guess you don't know. how could you, right? and suddenly you're so ubiquitous. and genuine happiness could never have been this far, ever. if only you were a jerk. it would be so much easier to forget you. if only you were an ass. but you aren't. and stupid excuses just won't work. and it's weird the way things have to be. you're probably with someone now. life is turned. i hope not, but my dreams are in vain. it's my fault, and yeah, it was stupid. you were so close..and you were beyond my wildest dreams. anyway, i really miss you. i never thought i'd be like this. bottomline is..there is no bottomline. i hope.

i know this sounds strange. i didn't mean for anyone to read it. haha, im posting it because voices are louder on the net. this is my journal, i can write whatever i want. haha. i just needed to do that. it's not like anyone knows what i'm talking about or even reads this crap.. and the title has no connection whatsoever with the entry