the places you have come to fear the most.

Monday, October 31, 2005

sailing

i wanna go sailing in a magic boat with magic people driving it and magical sails that dont have to follow the wind or at least keep the wind in a bottle and make it blow wherever i want to and stop in the middle of the sea and climb up the deck and lie down and stare at the night sky with someone hahaha and then time will go slow like slow motion with pretty lights everywhere nothing in mind but the ocean. oh sailing would be so funnn

so anyway today i fixed my room! well my mom did most of it but it's finally cleanish! i love the sembreak already! even if the start was a bit shaky. it' gets better. or maybe i have my own reasons of these good vibes, we have enough homework to fill in the boring times. these days are fun, like batallions of happy little people making us move.

and tomorrow we'll go visit the dead. it's going to be a sad affair, what with the lack of family members who re now in the states. thank God for the internet so we get to communicate and stuff. i miss my classmates already though. :D

so anyway, i like living this way, with a smile on my face. it feels waaaaay lighter. and life seems so much bigger and better.

happy

happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy

my point being

happy

burn out

kinilabutan ako.

--

on the other hand,

Friday, October 28, 2005

teenagers

i was just browsing through people's blogs and i just realized how hormonal everyone's becoming! hahahahaha.

where are the days of piko and tumbang preso and langit lupa and tag and chinese garter and jackstones and barbie?! where are thedays of eraserheads and boybands and disney music? they all went away. we started becoming teenagers and suddenly all our attention went to ourselves. proof: friendster, multiply, blogs, camera phones and everything else that has to do with our vanity. i miss being a kid. a lot. i really really miss that world of opportunity and potential. these days, i feel as if it's always too late to start things.

and it's actually immature of us to think that we're better than adults at times. all the lies we say, all the crap we get to do. it CAN be fun though. ;) if only i had the courage to do something bad and keep it from my mom.

okay so bottomline: i don't want to leave my youth yet! i'll follow the advice of the old people! i won't rush growing up and i'll enjoy every minute of being a "kid." life's so much better that way anyway. no boyfriends till college. haha! no crying over problems. i've managed to do both.

i've been learning a lot the past few days. when i was walking home (i was still hot headed), i started thinking of doing bad things i like in moderation, like the internet, the telephone and such. i'll concentrate on my goals and stuff.

to do's..

during sembreak:
  1. fix my room
  2. do my scrapbook thing
  3. regular crunches na
  4. save up.
  5. sleep early. but watch lots of tv! kampanyerang kuba or whatever, med detectives!
  6. read el fili
  7. do homework
  8. think, think, tink!

after sembreak:

  1. prom survey
  2. study study study
  3. watch games
  4. quit depressing over little things
  5. tuloy tuoloy crunches
  6. save up moooore for summer
  7. save up even more for christmas!
  8. live! and think more

i miss blogging. hahaha what a sad life i live. i have to go to school early tomorrow because there's a career talk thing in ateneo. first one i'm attending, i'm kinda psyched since i have no idea what course i want in college.

i missed joey, kim and piqeld's party also. but it's okay with me. i like being at home. and i don't want people who matter to feel bad.

i feel bad though, but wtf. hahahaha. life is so much prettier if you live it with a smile.

last but not least, the juniors won in the intrams! i love my batch a lot. :D

Thursday, October 27, 2005

did you feel it?

there was an earthquake! wipee

today

i miss writing today posts and reiterating my day. so here goes.

today was our intramurals. unfortunately it rained so the half of the whole highschool got stuck in the classrooms. unfortunately also, football games were cut short. 16 minutes. oh well. we lost, for the record. but it's okay, it was still hella fun! getting down and dirty and i mean DIRTY like taong grasa dirty. and it taught me a lot about life and losing and winning some. too bad we didn't win some today. but we'll have our other chances, and the best part was we had fun. especially in the whatever game with every year level. go juniors!

so yeah after that, a lot of other stuff happened, katha was bawling already, daisy lost her jacket, we were muddy and we washed our stuff and all the in betweens. i'm katha's crying stomach!

then after that we still had rehearsals. i was utterly uncomfortable in wet clothes. twas cold. and something good happenned. for me anyway. God is forever nice.

oh yeah today was my very gluttonous day. i ate a lot of breakfast. then lunch.THEN dessert. then a lotta dinner. suuuper dami.

and i'm still hungry.

ate ming has measles. i prayed a lot. i talk to God too often nowadays. heeeee. i don't want to go tomorrow. i want to sleep and rest or whatever.

oh yeah i have to read all the inspirational stories in the world! the zero to hero ones! (hyperbole, but wtf, i'll start with yao ming's)

how do you do it?

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

computer class

free time right now. i'm not doinganything illegal. haha this blog is so bulok like me. lalala.

today's one of those i feel ugly days but im not really in the mood to care. hahaha. it's so bad if i tell anyone.

labo.

sana hindi mag off.

blackouts are fun.

Monday, October 24, 2005

tantantanannnn!

friday wasn't too nice for everybody. so even if i was happy for mself it was kinda hard to be happy when your bestfriend isn;t. and i know that i'm not really making any sense in here.
sunday was weird. actually the whole weekend was.

i'm too tamad to narrate any of it right now.

things i'm looking forward to as of october 23, 2005:

  1. intrams?
  2. SEMBREAK!
  3. my batch shirt. haha.
  4. christmas break!
  5. fixing my grades. haha (?)
  6. going to canyon next week.
  7. cmli finals, christmas chorale competition and aol
  8. prom! haha.

i know that the last one is a bit far fetched. ayy wait. the last one should be

8. getting a date for the prom

i'm too normal and too fat. behind me people are playing mahjong and listenintg to tsismis on tv. screw the media! it makes girls like me feel ugly! and screw me for ever wanting to be whiter, sexier, thinner, headturner (haha) and the like! i realized that i have to accept myself for who i am even if it isn't really..accepted by the..media. or whatever. yes go me! minsan lang to.

i don't really know what to put in my blog anymore :)) so i'll just laugh. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

haha.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

friday

tomorrow.
tomorrow.
tomorrow.

i just realized how beautiful life can be. if we live it. i have this new habit of listening to every morning every morning. makes me feel good. a lot.

i feel such freedom! freeeeeeeee. haha.

and waiting is all that i can do until you find your way back to me.

but i don't quite mind. :D

Sunday, October 16, 2005

1:08 am

it's 1 am and i can't sleep. i want to though. saw corpse bride. i don't want her fate. she gives up love for her love and turns into butterflies. no i won't die that way.

i feel so guilty. one moment i had extreme euphoria, the next moment, it's another story. strange how life works that way.

see this is a poem about a girl named voodoo doll by tim burton.

Her skin is white cloth,
and she's all sewn apart
and she has many colored pins
sticking out of her heart.

She has many different zombies
who are deeply in her trance.
She even has a zombie
who was originally from France.

But she knows she has a curse on her,
a curse she cannot win.
For if someone gets
too close to her,

the pins stick farther in.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

periodical exams

i. am. the. most. fickle. minded. person. in. the. face. of. the. earth. hyperbole. why is my train of thought this way? why why why why why why

i am once again too lazy to actually study for anything. this will be my downfall. i do not stick to goals i set for myself. like no turning the computer on for instance. which is why i never make them promises. i only stick to my promises. but when i say i'll do something..err.

hannah, you are a lazy idiot. so please do something about it. (i'm still deciding what that will be though.

i'm still getting quieter everyday. so anyway that day came and went with no remorse. another dream. i will not get used to these dreams. hahahahahaah wtf am i saying.

so anyway, i have to go study geometry for these lapses are killing me i think i may have add because i can never never never never concentrate on one thing at a time unless i am interested and sadly i am not interested in things like these though i love geometry and no i am not making sense am i so i guess i have to have to go. bye!

Friday, October 07, 2005

stars. stars. sta--y

is this a curse?

i don't know. is it wrong to be happy when it feels like there's a string on your neck? even if there isn't? it just feels bad. parang gusto ko umalis pero parang hindi pwede.

the weather is nice. it's raining and it's cold. and you can get the blanket and feel cozy.

i'm wishing for a blackout right now. gusto ko magblack out para pwede ako lumabas at tumingin sa taas. tapos dahil walang polusyon ng ilaw, makikita ko yung mga tala.

wala kasing mga tala lately.