today i slept for two hours only. i don't know. i couldn't sleep with all those horrid thoughts clouding my mind. i woke up with a splitting headache and i took 4 kinds of pills because i caught my mom's colds as well. i can't really concentrate on doing homework or reading that damned book animal farm. or el fili. i wish i had enough gut and maybe, by the end of the year, i'll muster it.

i wish i knew how to live without all these..insecurities. like..yeah.

i should be writing my new year's resolution!! or maybe not. maybe i'll just keep it in mind.

anyway, i spent the day watching love actually..again. it's soooooo nice. makes me think of how much we all yearn for love. maybe not all of us, but a whole chink of the world's population. it makes life seem so much easier. but i guess that's not what it's all about..life being easy i mean. what if the hokey pokey is what life's all about?hmm. i want to live life that way.

so yeah, i hope, tonight, it will be easier for me to sleep. loneliness can get in the way sometimes. i'm tired of waiting for that. i don't know if this is one thing i should be doing for myself. i'm not making sense am i?

life is still a pain in the ass but i love her so much i could die.

tonight we're going to watch the fireworks.