why

i remember those days

waking up feeling totally alright smiling the most genuine smiles, listening to harana over and over again your quietness your strumming the way i'd say hello and you'd play and the way you looked at me and the way that you talked like some crazy poet on the loose and the way you'd tell me ALL those cheesy things and i usually hate them but i made an exception because you're.you. and i remember the things you'd tell me all of it i even wrote half of it down ella was right i shouldn't trust people with...and i remember how sad i was that ate ming had to get my phone and erase all your messages for me and i remember your last call it was my fault i shouldn't have put the phone down when you asked me again if things were still the same because i knew i wanted them to be but i was there with all my stupid pride and i remember that Christmas everything was so blurred and i thought it would be a mess but you fixed it and now i guess you wont and i remember all these things like it was a dream and i did not NOT NOT want to wake up but the world did and here i am a year later with the same things swimming in my head suddenly it took just that stupid stare with the stupid music you tell me i ignored you no i was closing my eyes because i didnt want to feel it and now youre asking me things and you dont know no you dont how hard it was it is whatever to hear all your stories it stings you know things change but not me still here and your messages speak to me like hope you tell me youll be back soon and im still waiting but I KNOW you wont be back soon because lately ive been more realistic and i always thought it would be you and im still waiting for your promise haha how stupid of me.

it's always you in my big dreams