pink stones from heaven and some airports

today was a really good day. it was eventful, so to speak.

we had our class thing and yes, i will change for the better. and i say that all the time. i hope things work though. i did achieve the things i achieved on christmas break. maybe summer will somewhat be like that. avoiding things which i dont want to affect me. but summer's always unpredictable. last time i had all these plans written down and i ended up having the exact opposite

this summer will be dedicated to my college future.

okay so the requests we had got my head spinning. and paranoid too. i'll try. and then we had the surprise for tita. it felt so good to have family when youre all trying to be happy. i realized i didnt have any smart casual skirts in my closet. and ate ming had this delusional thing in her closet. it was pink. and i had to wear it. man. it felt strange. yeah my cousins who saw my hair started calling me kuya hannah too. and the sunday fight got settled with the way you look tonight. so yeah you cant really have everything right?

and tonight was just weird in the most transparent way. haha. you know who you are and i hardly think you read this. but just in case, just so you know, i didnt leave to avoid what you were asking me and you know that my pride gets in the way of things and tonight i swallowed it and told you what you wanted (wanted?) to hear. and everything i said was genuine. you dont know me lately because like you ive been doing some thinking. so for the record, yes to your first question, yes to your last. there. im not saying i want this..i mean the things i feel or whatever. but i'm telling the truth this time. everything about you seems to be one big sayang. from the prom to the before and after that from last summer to the upcoming one maybe. it never begins, you know? in the end all we do is talk and for a time i needed that. now im learning to keep things in my head or in a scrap of paper and im afraid of.. yeah. we are different and maybe it suddenly mattered to you when it stopped mattering to me.

which is sad. but life goes on. so must we.