we would hide from passing cars and we would have the summer stars

i woke up today from a very strange dream. sadly, i do not remember that dream. well i remember that there were people carrying boards with one word in it. i forget the word. i knew it this morning though. well not exactly morning since i woke up 1 pm which makes me a slugabed.. i woke up humming whn you're in my arms actually. i didn't eat because i wanted to continue the wind up bird chronicle. well mr wind up bird sees his 15 year old neighbor who reminds me a lot of myself and he says that maybe she just needed to be held. how ironic is that?i think that murakami is a genius. after eating i biked around and i thought about a lot of things which i have been doing lately and i did want to write them down but i forget that i thought those thoughts and nowwww im just not in the mood to. shower thoughts are always so profound strangely. water works for me like magic.

now i know what i want. and i'll do it for me. i dont really want wrong motivations. all the talks at the 604 bar seemed surreal. and though i went home at 4 am still tipsy, it affected me a lot. people actually cared about the fate of a young girl. some were messed up but they were happy. the drama is so slow, i've ceased from the insipid reality. sometimes things are different because we all exist in different realities so even if youre saying the same things it's different in another reality. just a thought.

even if you've absconded, i've become numb and in the long run the changes made are part of destiny. i read somewhere that it isn't destiny until it's been done. strange huh? haha. i hate this destiny if that's the case. but i know that it happened for a reason which is part of the future destiny. haha. im not saying anything concrete. i just cant put into words what i really think it's like a whole void of understanding. i just understand. there aren't any words. just pure primitive thought.

i'm aestival which is why summer is my home. i'm going to be roasted in a while too...

someone once told me that you can never just have one feeling. always two. or more depending on circumstance. i wonder if that's true. so if i said i'm happy now do i have to accept that i'm sad too? or is driven an acceptable emotion?

what a long entry. sometimes i just want to live actually. when i'm in my deathbed i'll regret all the moments in front of this villain the computer. haha. but thngs have been in restraint lately aside from the fact that i dont really have time. i just need the music.

talks from the dashboard are awfully golden.