last few

a few minutes left before i turn sixteen. no sweet sixteen for me this year, but yeah, i'll get through with the little blessings. no groping over nothings today because it's upcat week and i understand that the quadratic formula is more important than my birthday. haha! thank God for the greeting, happy sweet sixteenth to me.

what sets this birthday apart? MY DAD GREETED ME. for the first time in my entire life. :)

I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE SIXTEEN but i'll try. the last year was chaotic i hope this year'll be sweeter. it's been an honor.

okay now back to worrying about things :))

sneaky and smoked out but totally okay

it's 5 am. i haven't gotten any sleep. my groupmates haven't emailed the last part. i have reviews at 8 am tomorrow 'til 4pm. i think i'd love to miss that. i've eaten three bananas. haha! the haikkus we made are souped out.

Angelica Pestano at Hannah Reyes

Buhay sa ‘Pinas
Nung Panahon ng Hapon
Ay puro Bomba

Panahon hapon
Bomba rito bomba 'dun
Pati babae

Rina Sarmiento and Margaret de Jesus

Maraming Hapon
Ang sumakop sa atin
Tayo’y nasawi

Marian Salanguit, April Yumang at Stephanie Flores
Mga Hapones
Pangarap ay umunlad
Tayo'y niloko


Haikus can be ugly. When you're obligated to do them. i'm the definition of stress today. but i keep on laughing alone when i read the haikus, specially the panahon hapon one. it was like written by troglos or whatever. this brings out the best in people who have offered to help, who stayed til 3 am, who have said you can do it and i love you and hug and God bless and stuff. We're all in this together. Well not really. i'm kinda alone doing this stuuuupid project. haha what about upcat oh yeah.

this is due tomorrow. it's been raining nonstop. i had an epiphany. i am happy. haha. why'd i see this now? i mean what i realized about.. haha. bye bye! flying kiss. i know your life's headed somewhere now and i find that beautiful. i mean i don't know what you call this. i don't consider you a friend. i don't know, i just dont. but i don't like like you anymore, it's just gone (like yesterday is gone!). but i care. what do you call that? i don't know.

i wish i had the dictionary of every language and i won't really use it but i'll hold it and feel good knowing every word i can ever say is in my hands. so i won't have to be confused. i just have to have the thought there. no words. just worlds.

i'm thinking of too many things. i mean everyone thinks but when you think of too many things you'd rather not think about it's just different. the project and other projects after that, my health, my grandma who's sick and my mom who's getting sick, when my phone and my computer will be fixed so i dont have to use this laptop which causes my hands to shake which is besides the point and i try not to think of, upcat and all the pressure, the glee big issue that's causing us to cry and everything else in between. these are things i'm obligated to think of because if i didn't that would make me a stupid or lazy person. i want to think about tennis or music or how nice the rain is or write a poem or read or draw or daydream in class and go to far away places. on top of it all, people. i don't know how to do this. i don't know how to do things. and i don't have a social life haha

but for some reason i still love life. i don't want to feel crappy ever. i mean, it's not like i can do anything about it now. i just have to do what i have to do which is reasonable which scares me. and i miss everyone because everyone's too caught up and now my mom's awake and she's nagging me to sleep but i cant sleep because of everything in the paragraph above :( but it's okay because i dont believe that the people who mind don't matter and the people who matter don't mind. i think that the people matter will mind when needed but will still care for you but and the people who don't matter will be petty and i don't know what i'm saying because i've fixed things except my things. i need to fix my grades too but as of now they don't matter because of upcat which i probably wont pass but a little voice inside me tells me i can do it so i should do it go hannah

haha i typed this is like ten minutes i wasted ten minutes but thats okay i have to get back to where i lasted

tanananana

i'm happy that you're.. you know. haha. it's good to hear. it's also nice to hear that things are going fine in glee. all i have to worry about is the upcat and my grades.im afraid i wont get in to any school. im gonna dieeeeee. i'm scared. but it's okay

i cant stop inventing things. lighting paints that can make you paint light into a picture so its illuminated, cold light that can be utilized into a bulb that's also an airconditioning system, a pen that could have neverending ink of neverending colors..im thinking of how weird hair is. and little things like that. what if we flew everytime we stuck our tongue out or when we kissed? what if peoples hearts could glow when their loved ones were near? then we'd be forced to make things happen or to not get hurt to force ourselves to stop. what if time moved faster when you wanted it to? and what if you could stop it? what if music played everytime a romantic moment happened? or if someone evil's behind you? life would be so muuuuuch nicer. watches would be alive. time would be more real, it would cooperate. people would be living in such nice colors.

maybe i'd stop.

just a thought

i'm dying to know

hahaha, my friends, the succession of events in my life lately have been so funny! well more like confusing. but funny! and so is botong09. i never thought i'd laugh that hard at something. and at an email ad! haha

jazz is giving me ideas. haha. oh man, gulaman, the saxophone is so sexy. it's so sexy. i MUST review. i must review. i'm dying haha.
!
tomorrow i'll fix my life. that's a pinky swear!

i watched high school musical today and it's funny how people are sooo idealistic. don't we all want a high school musical romance? yeah we do. things went so perfeectly. but it was gay.

anyway gotta run! toodles

things have been strange.

it's raining outside. i ran all the way under it. i wonder if people can enjoy it like i do. actually any weather's good weather, except hot and humid, as long as your in love, according to cassanova. that isn't true. i actually like the weather.

this has been the worst week of my life so far, i think. as if next week won't be an extension of hell. but yeah. it's all in the mind i guess. time will make things work out for the best. i hope. this is my last year, i want to savour every moment.

last night never happened. haha.

classes have been suspended. things are changing. maybe it's about time i ride the wave. i dream't tj died.

i want to be a window in my next next life

silence

somewhere faraway
my heart beats in time with yours
in that somewhere faraway
we sing and lie in sandy shores
faraway...
you pick me flowers everyday
and i give you all my kisses.
in that somewhere
we dub any time
as summertime
and we can fly kites.
in fact, we can fly
and reach for the sky.
we'll fall together when we feel like it.
somewhere faraway
i wear sundresses and straw hats
and you can be my charming prince.
you can keep my heart in your pocket.
somewhere faraway
we're lost wanderers.
you'll lead me on and never let go.
we'll begin
somewhere faraway.

Hey, you.
Up in the sky
You're so above me
(Just for you I'll learn to fly).

Through the clouds and thinning air
I tried to reach you.
I confessed and died for angel wings,
The moon and other astral things.

I love you, angel.
But you're so far away.
Beyond the stars and lightning bolts,
Angel, I'll get to you someday.

Loose threads...
I've been sewing out
My beating heart baby
From your red, red cardigan

And when everything else in between
Falls like stars on the backlit canopy
You'll be something I've never seen
Something that once could be.

This is the last seam
The last one for tonight.
Let the music fix it.
Let the sky eat it alive.

My baby, baby beating heart
It's the last part.
You already have the rest of me
(I gave it all for free).

All but this.

daydreaming is bad for your health

Hey, you.
Take me to the ball next year.
Prom was sucky without you there.
Take me to the ball.

Tuxedoes, flowers and sparkly lights
Sound quite nice with holding hands.
The music will start playing, then.
You can have this dance.

You'll hold me close.
I'll pinch myself a thousand times.
And when you say those THREELITTLEWORDS
There'll be sparks, confetti and chimes.

How does that sound?
Yes, I know it'll be the best night ever.
No regrets, not this time.
Take me to the ball.

stuffy ka-toffy

i'm dead tired. i want to die. i woke up at 530 then went straight to the tennis courts. then dressed up went to ahs. (leeeeeeeeeeeeee) then rushed to glee rehearsals. im home now. i have tons of homework. next week is hell week. all i want to do though, is play tennis. haha. i suck at it but i like it anyway.

so yeah thanks soooo much to 4b. thanks guru for lending the books plus postal. thanks rein! oo sige kayong dalawa lang naman nagccomment rito kaya thanks for that na rin hahaha. thanks neil and cham for waiting.

rewind. we went to the women's correctional. feels so heavy. i couldn't hold back my tears when i was conducting the interview. it's something i will never ever ever forget. my partner was sent to prison for something she didn't do and i believe her. nanay sapia. she came from mindanao and then went to manila to work. she went to saudi to work but because of the constantly changing weather, she bled--her ears her eyes, her nose and stuff. so she was sent back to the philippines and when she came back someone accused her of drug pushing. now she's sentenced for 8 years. i hate this. why does her life have to suck so much? her family cant visit her because theyre inmindanao and have no money. her husband, well he remarried. she tells me she puts problems at the back of her mind and concentrates on strengthening her faith and working and studying instead. i hate it i hate it i hate it. she's sonice. things like this shouldn't happen to her.

suddenly my stupid problems are so petty. but i did see..things. today. and for some reason, that drives me. no matter how hard i try, it won't go away. so i'll just use it. it makes me tons sad though. it's not the crying kind of sad. its the eat your insides alive kind of sad. i just stayed there a while ago and stared. haha. it's funny. in fact it's so funny that it's sad. iwillneverlosehope tenthousandspoonswhenallyouneedisaknife

I NEED TO STUDY

HANNAH FIX YOUR LIFE

my fun life

i finally decide to take some time off to think and write but i realize now that i've lost it. haha. my life is boring. nothing special happening. na-da. i'm starting to finish my food because that's my action pledge for the poor people. it's haaard. i usually just eat like 4-7 spoonfuls of rice and thats it. now i have to finish every grain nanay puts on my plate. i don't like it, but it's a challenge. and i get to eat less in between meals. okay then tennis. i'm playing thrice a week but i still suck which means i have to train more..go me! i have to super train for matches on october. God i hope i make it. fat chance. i'm so tired. it's just eleven thirty and my eyelids are falling. i can't take the everyday nonstop til 7pm. it kills me a lot. but yeah at least i'm doing something useful with my time. so yeah other than tennis glee and outreach and school na rin, nothing else matters. i'm hella scared for college tests. i'm a super sucker. i ought to be studying. i ought to be listening. God help me.

I'm so tired. Tired in a happy way. I don't know. It's cool eh. haha

The reading the other day said "do not be afraid, just believe." if only it were that easy.

I failed a math quiz. :(

I want to focus but it's so hard. So much to think of. Oh well. I'm happy though. I don't know why.

Anyway, next time. Our teachers are so demented