the places you have come to fear the most.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

i have wounds in many places. haha! my fingers are bleeding. i'm a walking open wound.. and i bumped my head it's bruised. i'm bruised and broken.

i've had enough of unnecessary secrecy too! :D but i'm game for polka dot trunks. and underwater kisses, friends doing the deed, colored hair and extra peircings with losing and balancing, knowing new things, what happens to who and extra runs. what a day..

i'm dying. i feel it! might as well make it fun. i am brutal too. i am not kind i will forgive everything hannah today. i condemn people! i condemn the government of the philippines. i condemn the people who dont abide by the law. i condemn the kaingin and muro ami people. i condemn the people i hate im just too lazy to give em all. i don't know. it's up to us to live up to the image and likeness wtf am i saying im just sad and mad right now i guess for all the wrong reasons and the most unexpected people.

Friday, April 20, 2007

am i ready?

yes you're ready

--

count on my mom to make things better when she senses that i'm sad and when she sees my puffy eyes. she scheduled a leave from work so we could explore UP today, pick my bed and then watch a movie. i LOVE my mom.

and tennis! i love it! my team is undefeated! i am a proud, proud team leader. something about being in tennis makes me really REALLY happy and it's not the endorphines because i feel sad again when i leave. oh and go sat on the slim space beside me even if.. aaaa. haha my knee touched even if it was disgusting and sweaty. and this kid likes me she hugs me and holds my hand. haha strangers and yet they seem to care.

God's really nice. When he gives you bad things or really hurtful things, it's his way of probably bringing you back to him and showing you through good news or little slivers of happiness, unexpected calls, funny stories and sarcastic tv shows that life still is good..even if it hurts in the parts that matter.

i don't know how i'll handle things but i am a strong believer that people CAN rise above themselves. sometimes, it's my downfall..but in the end, that same belief makes ME rise above myself, which is what really matters anyway.

i don't know if it can go on like this.

..altogether wonderful to me.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

i'm trying to find out if my words have any meaning

at least to you?

--

well i'm happy for me. i'm excited for college. i love where i'll live. i love tennis! i love the class. i even love how they make jokes about my long legs and how i should join 100-m dashes. haha i love running. i love loralie and rory! lalalala.

oh please please please please.

things are looking okay. i just have to remember this!

and i have to keep on praying.

go hannah!

wee.

Monday, April 16, 2007

gigil

i have energy still give me the sun give me the court give give gigigigive me

aaaa

i
smell
you
on
my
clothes
and
my
skin
it's
weird

i miss you

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

oh, the places i'll go.

we like our slow internet! we can dance and hug and eat while waiting. if we had dsl, we'd be quite boring, unloved and malnourished!

haha. gilmore girls cheers me up.

i've just started tennis. 2 hours a day with extension. oh dear. under the sun. i'm not used to that kind of tennis. it's tiring but i'm finally on my way to something. i also have my summer goals. by the end of the summer, i will be a magician. i will also lose some weight. which no adult will approve of so i guess, i will make my belly shrink by an inch or so. haha. i will be such a great decider you know? i'm thinking of more goals.

my summer is only fun because of Rein. haha. i don't really know if we'll be doing anything this year, everyone's so stuck up.

and oh, three grueling weeks in may.

i think i'd like to fix my room too, and fix myself. not that i can do it alone. i think i've been sort of fixed by Rein but a lot of fixing has to come from me too. i wanna scold myself sometimes for being so stubborn.

i'm learning self control too. in the long run, it will matter a lot. a lot. so i'm glad that i'm learning self control. it's in my hands, after all. we're all just a little too stubborn.

most important is, i found the secret to happiness. in fact, it is so secret, that even i don't know what it is. i'm just happy. maybe it's you. i think it is.

so there, it isn't so secret after all. it makes all the difference.

i'm trying to think of things a little more.

growing up. oh the perils.

but oh! the places. i'm in love with dr. seuss. i thank God i had him as a kid. he was the best doctor.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don' t
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

Friday, April 06, 2007

i surrender to You

take me as I am.

I never minded calling You a King
If that meant that I could count on You
To give me everything
I never thought to ask You
I always thought You knew
It was never my intention to question You
You never minded calling me a child
Well, I guess that's how I acted all the while
But You live through every tantrum, You see through every lie
Though they seem to be more common
I just wanted You to know why oh why

Unforgetful You, unforgetful
Unforgetful You, so unforgetful

You never minded giving us the stars
Then showing us how blind and unaware of You we are
You painted me a picture and showed me how to see

Images on the sidewalk speak of dream's decent
Washed away by storms to graves of cynical lament
Dirty canvases to call my own
Protest limericks carved by the old pay phone

In Your picture book I'm trying hard to see
Turning endless pages of this tragedy
Sculpting every move You compose a symphony
You plead to everyone, "see the art in me"

Broken stained-glass windows, the fragments ramble on
Tales of broken souls, an eternity's been won
As critics scorn the thoughts and works of mortal man
My eyes are drawn to You in awe once again

home into your arms again

when God realizes that sometimes, you have no home house structure to go to, he finds a way to get you to sanctuary.. almost secret places that bring you comfort. places that maybe only you can ever see the way you do.

and there's no place else i could be..

that's my sanctuary.