dedicated to my mom

Musings

Over and over again, I hear my mom's voice singing the lullabies that she composed. "Go to sleep, my dear little baboy!!" "I love you forever, I'll like you for always...as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." I'll never forget the way I giggled and the way I felt her love filling the room to its four corners. I was coated with love, enough love to get me through life. It's like the way a clown fish depends on its habitat to coat it with mucus so it won't get stung. That's how much I was cared for by my mom. She loved me so unconditionally, and accepted me for who I was. "Presenting, Hannah Reyes, the girl with the golden voice!!" And every time she said that, I would grin wide and sing my lungs out like nothing mattered. And in the end, nothing did. I lived for who I am because of her. She accepted my flaws and she made me feel like I was the most beautiful girl she knew. And in a way, the love she gave me pulled me through. I'll always thank God for putting me in this position, in this family. I am an empty vessel and my mom filled me up, she made sure of that. My mom is always there to give me what I want, what I need, and occasionally what I neither want nor need. I guess in a way, that makes me a bit spoiled, but my mom made sure that I knew what was right and wrong. She never used violence in disciplining me, she just explained everything and she trusted me to get things. Ever since I was in her stomach, she was already caring for me, nurturing my future, playing classical music and stuff. I am always happy that she never thought of having me aborted or adopted. I am thankful for everything that she has taught me, every word, every deed, and every thought. I am thankful for every time that she dried my tears and for every smile she shared with me. I am thankful for every happy memory that she has given me. I am thankful for every time she lifted me up and for every time she stood by me. I love my mom for knowing that I make mistakes too, and for tolerating me. Sometimes she forgets herself because of me. For that, I'm really sorry. I am sometimes the biggest jerk and my mom tends to be able to put up with that. There are so many times where you just have to marvel at the things that a heart can do, where you marvel on the things that a mom can do. It's amazing, how much a heart can hold. It's amazing, the way a mother loves her child. She'll give up her pride, her beauty, her money and her dignity for a child to love her. I guess there is just something about spending 9 months with a being, regardless of who that turns out to be. A mother takes all the pain and she comes out smiling. That is just amazing. Her hands have the ability to shape a child, to discipline a child, and those same hands are the ones that heal wounds. A mother is one of life’s greatest heroes ever. My mother is my greatest hero of all. She did everything in her power to make me who I am today. My mom will always be the person who is behind me, yet seems happy to "You're a big girl now," my mom would say. Yeah, I'm a big girl now, I guess. But I'll never be me without her behind me. I'd never grow without anyone telling me that I could and would do it. Someday, when I have a child of my own, I want to sing crazy lullabies too. And years from now, I see myself still feeling all the love she's given me long after she's gone. I think that her voice will always soothe me, and that I will always hear her voice singing "I love you forever." I think that someday, the tables will turn. I want to be the one cradling my mom, and be the one singing that song that she composed over and over again.