beginnings

i survived 9 hours.

ain't life grand.

been thinking of a lot of stuff lately. sad truths. and happy things.

read something somewhere. may natamaan sa isa kong post na dapat naman hindi natatamaan. kung alam mo sino ka, ewan, hindi ko alam na applicable rin pala yun to more than one person. sorry.

been telling myself to dream on too. getting attached to this one person already, and this time, i'm not pulling away at all. defying my natural tendency. haha. i'm thinking maybe this might finally be right. (my sentences may or may not be coherent :p)

i'm praying so hard right now...

i'm really tired and sleepy, but i can't sleep. haha. the same thought i sleep to is the same thought that keeps me up.

"people who commit suicide lack imagination."--so true.

the title has a connection btw. ;)

psychic psychoes and psychedelic dreams

people who are close to eachother get the same body clock. i guess that's pretty cool. and true.

went to thirdline. the band before us was sugarfree. sugarfree. waaaaah!! i wanted to see them!! ebe, badly. THE guy, up close, in a room where they practiced.

while we were singing, i was just focused on a guy, a jazz guy in a poster who had a thumbs up sign and i got it right!! haha.

i want to be that room. i realized how beautiful the music was and i wanted to be that room, just listening forever. or i could just disappear into space and listen. yup.

wrote down my dreams and i'm going to burn them. they leave me depressed. haha. but oh well.

i dreamed i was drowning and dying..and my body was drifted to the shore, finally..and i lay down and looked up. there were stars. and i woke up. i realized how important my dream was..and how related it is to this:



"..we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."-oscar wilde

pointless ramblings

it doesn't have to be like this you know. know that i'm not who you think i am. you haven't even seen me yet, nor have you spoken to me. and you ask what he has that you don;t? i mean, what is that? i could name a million things, yeah. but the main difference is that i actually know the person. try to quit the drama. oa. it's not worth it at all. you have no right in the first place. the guilt started to come but i swallowed it because i realized it isn't worth it, not this time. it's nice, the things you said. but that's just shallow. try to get to know me first will you? but i guess not.

i've changed a lot. rude awakening: doing things for the sake of it is very wrong. sometimes i forget. witnessing people fall in love but they aren't really. i never want that to happen. oh well.

yes, i can never be too happy. which is fine. disappointment can kill. but hey it's a sign. recently my life has been revolving around signs...like i was playing with pong, our dog. i threw the sandwich at him then i said that if he catches it, meant to be kami. he caught it.

yeah, signs are cool. the world is super mysterious and i guess that we (well i think i do) have to constantly watch out for them..see what the world tells you.

God must be tired of my prayers. haha, paulit ulit nalang. and most of the time they dont come true anyway..like..nevermind..yeah. sometimes it's hard to not wonder if the big guy even listens at all. but it's nice to keep on trying..gives a sense of hope and that crap.

i miss my friends.

intentionally untitled

i'm typing right now with a porestrip on my nose. wala lang. interesting day. sort of.

i saw DAVID. the big guy who owns david's salon!! hahahahahaha dito pala siya sa philippines. i don't know why i kept on laughing when i saw him. he's big, man!! like santa or something. lalang, ang cool!!rehearsals were fun. scared for tomorrow's rehearsals..4-11..7 hours..lalang again. scary scary..

after that, we went to powerplant..it was okay. haha, my sexy lola went shopping!!:D

okay gtg, bonding with my mom!! we're gonna wtch a french movie..and i have to remove this thing off my nose!!

wait nagawa ko na..ang sakit haha.

para may picture..doodle ult sa paint. haha mukmok moment when i was doing this. lalang. :D

PLDT-teletubbies. PoLalaDipsyTinkywinky. scary.

labo ng title. but seriously, it's scary. teletubbies invade all the pldt lines. scares me to death.

this morning was one of the happiest mornings. sort of. maybe i should be sad about being pathetic. either way it was happy. i realized the value of love, joy, happiness and peace. :D

slept at 4:30. event with ate ming, it was funny. i pity the guitar though. i slept sa couch. woke up at 8 am..well was forced to wake up to transfer to my bed. slept til 12..woke up. did a lot of weird stuff which i'm not about to post. haha.

the rest of the day was kinda boring, sadly.

i miss s club 7. haha ang labo.

my life took a weird turn today.

rude awakening.

don't ask. (unless of course we're close anyway, haha go ahead.)

lack of things to write..i'm sorry that this is lame

i can't seem to write
my mind goes blank
when i think of you
i inevitably forget

i can't seem to make
nice 'poems' anymore
for i can't explain
the way you make me feel

and yet i don't mind
writing pathetic poems forever
as long as it's you
who inspires them

asteriskked

your voice is music
to my jaded soul
it's my rockabye
before my lights go off

your thoughts are chemical
the formula for the sweetest of dreams
that takes girls like me
to the farthest point of ecstasy

you're my security blanket
my sanctuary
a safe place
better than any fantasy

the thought of you drives me
gives me something to live by and sleep to
swirls of color, sweet sonatas
that drift me off to nod

i'm staying up to write this poem
because you aren't here
i missed you tonight
i can't sleep.

schizophrenia

staring out into space
looking for a smiling face
wondering where you are
wishing on a dying star

drunk with fear, getting lost
wishing that
you were near
i'll get to you at any cost

ran away from that damned place
nobody noticed a loss
i flew all the way to outer space
think of you since i'm alone

nobody's looking, trying to find me
can you be the one who searches?
maybe then, you could be
the one with me when my world crashes

titled

btw i got my card already. haha. it was okay i guess haha happy walang line of seven. and or majority line of nines. then on the commendation thingy sa exemplary student thing, (yuck yabang) and sa elective forms, iba iba name ko!! haha. may hannah marie reyes, maria hannah reyes, hannah carmina reyes at maria hannah carmina reyes. oh well.

trying to update my blog everyday so..ewan haha it may be a pointless goal. maybe when the world is bigger and older the internet is going to explode!! and my thoughts will be shattered into oblivion. which is not a good thing, haha.

umm today, from the start..got on the phone, ended at four haha because someone got scared, then i read for a while, haha i listened to classical music, believe me it helps put you to sleep!! then i woke up at twelve..got bored..pc for a while, ate a little, slept again because it was soooooooo humid. and then woke up, ate na talaga, and now i'm online. tas later rehearsals again. hindi na tuloy antigone. :( lack of funds, no time to get sponsors. for the better side, i get a one month vacation!!

so pretty much it's an okay day even if it was boring or maybe because i'm listening to a happy song right now.

naisip ko lang, i have to think of the future already. of who i want to be and who i have to be. i want to have a family. wala lang

angela and rabbi and china and rona said i'm jaded and weird and am having a burnout. am i that weary?nahhh. haha. oh well.

i realized how nice it is to have a family outside home. like, somewhere that you really belong to without anyone criticizing or hating you for who you are. yup, i like being me without anyone hating it. wala lang again.

so yeah that's all. my relatives are here for dinner. gotta split!! tekker.

today today today..

woke up. wait, was forced to wake up by ate ming. dressed up. went to greenhills for the press con of the concert. it would have been boring but everyone there was interesting. i didn't talk at all, and i just listened to what everyone was talking about. haha, i realized what a different life theatre really is, as compared to what i would be without it. i was like, watching people in a movie..they were like, "do you know him? he was my first virgin!! he was fourteen then." whew. that was weird, among other things being discussed like careers, pageants, ai, gay people..and everyone's life stories. so that's why they're good actors, they have so many experiences in their 'archive.' everyobe's weird there, so maybe that's why i like it.

just got home, haha, but i have to go kasi i have to go. haha. labo. tekker, bye!!:D

provocation vacation

i want to kill someone right now. if murder wasn't illegal think i just might. if you were in my shoes, you'd do it too. the thing is i'm not alone. i know ten people who would do it too. it's not my fault that that person is jobless and it's summer and i need the radio and the earphones are bacterial and he's immature, and dumb, with nothing to do but watch tv all day, and he's such a hypocrite. with everyone else there, he gets so plastic. i hate him. in every sense of the world. to think i only really hate three people. well one of them i only half-hate. is there such a thing? it's annoying, how hate can drive a person to do a lot of bad things. he asked for it.

actually i'm kinda annoying him on purpose by not being affected or getting mad like he does. makes him look bad. losing temper on a young girl who's doing nothing.

it's strange, the littlest things get to me right now. i guess that's normal though. hormonal it is. i try avoiding it, usually. today isn't one of those days, sadly. this could be the effect of summer and lack of other emotions too. maybe my brain is desperate to feel an inkling of an emotion. i don't know.

our report cards weren't released today, sadly. there was a strike. where is our country going to? oh well. i have been online for around 4 hours now. lack of things to do in here.

i'm irritable and sad. why am i this moody today?

something sad happenned yesterday. but isn't it strange, how bad things go the whole day, then someone comes, you forget everything else? like my mind inevitably goes blank and all the negative things disappear..suddenly it's living the best day ever. something like that. thank you!! haha. you might know by now that it's you.

hmm

umm i don't know.

been quite busy..which is a good thing. wuhoo, excited for tomorrow, our six hour rehearsal. haha. saw the scans of the pictorial, it turned out nice..this is the only one in my computer..it's for our production of antigone..




i'm the one at the rightmost area..hahaha make up sucks..we all look different here..hahaha i just realized that my tattoo star can be seen there!! hahahahaha in my hand..that's a star over there because i came from school..humabol nalang sa malate..buti umabot..

umm knina was "tita" cel's debut. it was really fun..anyway i gotta go i'm super tired. tekker!! next time na chikka. haha. did this for the sake of updating.

bummer summer

summer is really boring when

a. you're at home in the morning till afternoon
b. you have nothing to do
c. you're alone with the helpers
d. the mouse is broken
e. there's nothing good on tv
f. your friends are all out on vacation
g. you haven't gone to the beach

that's basically my summer lately. bummer. oh well. it's sooooo hard to think of what to do next. it's annoying. but anyway, i'm pretty much happy. and things are going okay. well, most of the time, which is a good thing..that nothing is perfect. :D i reaslized that the computer being broken is a good thing in a way. boredom bites, kills, and every negative verb that could fit in here.

what else. umm my happiness continues. i just realized a lot of meaningful stuff lately. and drawing lines between stuff.

i also realized how little TRUE friends exist nowadays.

haha ang dami kong mga realisasyon. epekto ba yan ng init o ng walang magawa? ewan ko ba.

"..what turns ordinary to extraordinary is that little extra.." ---wala lang

sleeping early and detachable noses

a new record of 5:40 am. and the sun was up already..

had a strange dream of my dog and his nose being removed like an anchovy or a mushroom. it's scary.

no rehearsals today.

attempting to finish the essay thing.

wait, attempting to start it.




this takes my breath away. haha but im not yet dead.

noel gallagher post

i'm getting obsessed again. ugh this sucks haha but oh well. noel gallagher..ewan labo ng taste ko..



noel on the computer..with the cigarette like a star



haha, he doesn't look so wasted in this one


haha. haaaaa.


"i said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves meeee"


beautifully done



haha cool!! oh what a lucky can hahaha


isn't that the sweetest thing?haha..umm with his daughter anais..

i guess that's enough. before people get any more annoyed.

equilibrium

saw closer. did scene. nearly died. but i survived. happy. children's party. crazy. prom planning. happy. umm, miss st scho. summer blues. our dog has a girlfriend already. being evil. waking up early. sleeping early rin in the morning. uhh, dreams dreams dreams. career talk. THE nvc talk was held today. what else. um. i decided i don't have to make a choice. haha. it's not one or the other. yupyup. at my own pace. hmm. ano pa ba. haha i didn't allow anything to ruin my day today, which was nice. :D im glad that not everything is going too well, but i'm content about it. that means that maybe something can begin. and stuff. haha what the hell im being soooo messed up so yeah. till here. ;D

more random thoughts

• thanks for opening my eyes, dreamboy.
• sana ako nalang yun
• i want to meet someone from the future who just travelled to the past
• i wanna go to the himalayas and explore the mysteries of the yeti
• i want to go to a rain forest and go hiking and see the animals and the pretty plants everywhere, the waters, everything. i would love to go to that place and try meeting with the most primitive people the world still has
• i've stopped caring about things i shouldn't care about. i'm me and that's it.
• being a first rate version of yourself is so much better than being a second rate version of someone else
• life wouldn't be life if it weren't blurry in some sort of way
• you can't let destiny just take over. destiny gives you opportunity and you take that opprtunity
• i can follow my heart but i have to let my head guide it
• if you won't be you, who will?
• promises aren't meant to be broken
• haha looking forward to something. :D
• putting my thoughts down in bullet form helps my mind stop wandering from rehearsals and stuff
• inspiration is always good
• maybe i do stand a chance
• i would like to get to know someone the best way that i can
• wala kaming rehearsals today, hehe
• i can't wait to do that scene from my girl
• can't wait to meet my study buddies!!
• haha i miss school
• prom committee. yehey.
• k
• i wish life were just like one big nice movie with a happy ending haha para maraming events
• insane people aren't insane at all

oh and quiz time!! haha, belle talaga and there's a pretty picture of sprite over there

Which Disney Princess are you?

random thoughts

if only you knew
that it's you that makes me feel this way
that i love every bit of you to pieces
that maybe i get everything you say after all
and that i actually make sense to you
if only you knew how i feel when i'm with you
maybe you'd fall in love with you too
and then you'd be a narcissus
and maybe i'd hate you
and fall in love with someone else
then maybe we'd just be plastic friends
and things would be okay
not like this.

if only we didn't get to be friends
then maybe i'd have just been another major fan
another infatuated girl looking for eye candy
ha, i didn't know there was so much more to you that
and i don't deserve you either way

i'm kinda happy right now
and this is the way i like it, you're my cheap thrill
don't worry i'm here to back you up when you need me
i'm happy and real thankful for the friendship
i'm not gonna fall in love with you
because i don't want this to change

she told me what you asked, and i'm saying yes.
you do.
if only you knew that you do.
there are some things in the way.

but hey you can never get the dreamhouse right?
"the grass is greener on the other side."
but who cares?
i'm gonna water it everyday
i'll take care this time
and it'll be a nice shade of green too.
the line between dreams and reality starts to get vivid
and everyday i get inches closer
to make dreams and reality meet
learn that you can turn something normal into something beautiful
and you taught me that
saw that there's more to me than me
there can be.
if only she knew.
if only you knew.

we could go away
just the two of us
and nothing will matter
i can dream about all those crazy things that you never contradicted
and we won't care
because maybe you and me could work
maybe this time i'll get it right
maybe we could try, together.
you could be it.
maybe you are.

"stars will shine and lose their glow"
you're an exception to that
because your scintilla stays
more than polaris
and maybe you could share that with me
and we'd be happy in our falsified reality
just you and me

haha ang labo naman nito

ewan ko kung mababasa mo to. haha. bahala na. mejo in love kasi ako sayo.

i smile for no reason at the very thought of you..imagine how happy i am when you're actually there. it's like, euphoria all over again. well not really, but contentment..that you're my friend..and sadness at the same time that that's just what i'll be. but that's okay. i've been a better person. all because you're there. i'm not really talking any sense am i? haha i don't care. you make me happy, that's all. haha. i can't count the many times i've lit up when my phone lights up and it's you. even if it's just something stupid that you came up with. i love every stupid thing you come up with. i'd love to tell you everything, but i can't. i'm just me. you're a god. be safe.

summer summer..haha stuff i love:

• the sun..nice lights
• rehearsals, yup i love rehearsals and bonding sessions there, and the stuff i learn
• summer colors, spags, flip flops, shades, shells..stuff..
• dvd marathons
• staying up till up to 5:30 am on the phone
• endless trips.. soundtrips, food trips, laugh trips, road trips..
• getting hyped up..all the time
• getting to wake up at 3 pm all the time
• gimmicks..ha ha
• text buddies get more abundant. haha.
• meaningful conversations with drunk friends..i swear..
• heartbreak sessions sa phone when everything's all dark and there's an emo ambience
• stargazing sa bubong tas hindi na makababa
• making cigarette and star analogies
• summer afternoon til night til morning sessions on the phone
• getting MAJOR crushes on friends hahahahaha, kahit bawal :(
• swimming. haven't done that though :(
• haha rackets
• summer money, spent on useless stuff..
• memories..
• taking around 3 baths because it's soooo hot
• bumming around
• cellphone calls (take note :im not a sunster)
• stars

anyway. haha, i haven't written in a while.. hmm. so. uhh, lately my days go like this. wake up. text text. phone. kain. phone. phone. dinner. phone. rehearsals. phone ulit. tulog.

knina..recording for alactagrow..tas phone again..i learn soo much. haha. watched my sassy girl for the nth time. its uber nice..haha, i wonder if i'll find a guy who will tolerate me the way the leading man did. haha. i miss school!! or the people there at least. i cannot believe i'll be a junior next year, time passes soo quickly. haha.

hmm..hahahaha. ang gulo ko. haha. ha. umm. yeah. haha. happy happy. ewan. sorry. :D

take care ebribaaadyyy!! wish me luck!! hahaha. sorry euphoria's taking over so i guess i gotta run. bye bye!!:D