thoughts from the sea wall

i took an ice cold shower with the ice cold weather and it's amazing how clean it made me feel. the weather's been so nice lately but then again when you're happy they say any kind of weather is good weather. i hear a typhoon's coming. come on sweet catastrophe.

i'm totally content right now. it isn't my usual happy ecstatic. just quietly content with the way things are going. it's stable as a tripod. beginnings are always nice. i'm just happy that i'm happy and not hung up on loneliness and stuff. i'm enjoying this. im fine and not needing anyone at all. i think i'm done with the cycle. i just sort of know that things will be fine. i don't know how, but they'll be fine. chapters and chapters are just chapters, not endings.

i'm in love with scents. i love the way the air smells right now. and i hate to say this but i reeeally love how the feminine wash smells. i love the way the rain smells and i love the way it falls nicely...like little people descending.

i like living right now. i like the little mishaps and stuff. i love being single. haha! asia and i were talking about it. and x the man too. i know that this loneliness is pressing us for the best. we have way more time to improve. yeah i want to be totally available in college too. when my friends call me crying about fights with boyfriends i have this secret feeling of relief that it's one less problem. and yes. when people ask me why not him, i don't know. i start to like him but yeahh, i'll always want someone who'll understand my strangeness.. maybe i'm just scared, i don't know. i'm immature.

for now everything feels like a happy rosy colored film. i don't know. it's the way things are. people disappear from me all the time and come back. why do they come back? i'm such a disaster magnet sometimes. call me jinxed for this. haha

i just want to hug all the pillows at home. they're so nice in the fluffiest perfect coldish way. i can't get over it. everything's so comfortable and my head and body sinks at all the right places. i love having the bed to myself. i just roll and roll and roll. only a pig who's spent euphoria rolling in the mud would know how i feel.

okay, goodnight, world. i'm off for a midnight snack.