LGFUAD

things are going really bad in here. it's so hard to stay optimistic and shit.

for the first time i'm starting to really not take it through..go the other way..for the first time, things are just going ballistic in my head.

i can't wait to move out. i've never been a runner. but this time, i know it's the only way for me to be happy. a new place with no memories, a place waiting to watch you start new, a place that can encourage you, a place that believes in you. a place with happy sounds and happy stress, no screaming, no tear residue on your pillow. and if there was tear residue cause that's inevitable, a place with people who aren't afraid to hug you when you really need it. no prying, no acting like no one is affected. people who will not leave you alone at the table..stuff like that. people who will talk to you because they like talking to you, not because they need anything.

my mom is always just nagging me about stuff. i don't blame her. menopause is a nearing. it's a starting. but lately she's hot headed from work. she wants to talk to me but the things that fill my mind aren't talking stuff..not with mom at least. i'm finding things so hard. i dont have any privacy at all. probably why i cant talk to my mom. feels like everything she says is an invasion of privacy. i just can't let her in. she's my mom..not my bestfriend. i don't know. she is, kind of, but things are just so different.

and today. today was my kitty day and something so weird happened i don't know what to make of it. i hate it a lot. im supposed to have a happy hangover now but i dont have one. im just tired. haha. even the movie was tiring. pirates. haha i feel bad about keira and bloom. beautiful kiss though.

25 new messages. not one.

not one :(

i want explanations.. oh well. why was it just suddenly like that? and i'm just scared right now. striving for june 2nd.