the places you have come to fear the most.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

discovery

i made a great one. twas screaming at me, too bad i saw it too late, though i thank God for showing it to me in the first place or else i'd never have known the truth. so there, i know i should give up on this, just tell me when..tell me now. while it's still early, it won't come as a shock anymore, i was kinda seeing it happen in the back of my mind anyway..though i wasn't hoping for it, so there. i hope you see what i wrote to you, it's hidden in the place where you used to..something. You know that. God bless you. :D

Sunday, August 28, 2005

i dunno what to put here

what a weekend.

sometimes things will suck but you have to think..positive (for lack of a better word)

and then regret will come and make you regret. huh labo.

okay so that's the story of my weekend.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

okay im not gonna be affected. i just deleted a long paragraph i wrote. hahaha. camp helped nga! it was a bad post. i learned to not entertain temptation to do bad things.

excited for tuesday, first photo gallery! it's not much but it means a lot to me.

lalalalalalala i have new jokes and logic questions! heeheeeeeeeeeeeeee.

but mostly, i got new perspectives. influence means a lottttt. and i've been thinking of and praying for something. i hope that whatever decision i make will be the right one.

bottomline: what a weekend. and great culmination btw, God. love you

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

ree all e tee

impossibull.
impossible.

it's not happenning. it's not happenning. it's not happenning. it's not happenning.
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it's not happenning. it's not happenning. it's not happenning. it's not happenning.

too bad it is.
i hardly know you..no i don't know you. not anymore.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

random crap

blue flame rated the top 3 or 4 blogs being used. thankfully, blogspot isn't there so the chances of the school blocking blogspot in the school computers are little.

it's weird how some people change after not seeing them for just a short while. and it's even stranger how much you change when you don't see them. just a thought.

i've been starting to dread saturdays. it's annoying that our school always has activities on saturdays. (yesterday special olympics was hot. joey had swell t shirt marks and i just talked to ella the whole time) other than school i have company class on saturdays. in short, my social life is purely school and new voice and possibly the people in ym if thats any consolation.

i still love life though. masarap mabuhay. i don't see why people commit suicide. they have to be dead for the rest of eternity anyway. so even if life sucks, live it! hahaha i hate my philosophy. it makes me not care about current events and such.

anyway, i'm still looking forward to a lot of things.. the little things anyway. i'm dreading a lot of things but i guess life sucks more for pessimists. i'm making the most of whatever i have. or whatever's left of it. haha. ann and i were talking about the vicious cycles in our lives. the aspects..well aspects with THE cycle. it's uncanny how much alike we are.

what else. (im using this as an excuse to not do my homework.) i have to live with my old 2100. and i don't care, thankfully. i don't want a new phone. my conscience bothers me. haha. basta may text, call at snakes i'm happy. sadly i lost all of my contacts. not that i'm texting anyone but my mom or katha or missy. and i'm with them almost everyday. haha.

anyway, stress is killing me. hahahahaha. im so j-j-jaaaded. i don't have time for anything. 5 hours seems like an hour now since i usually sleep with something in mind. i'm excited for next summer. it won't be as dull as the last one. haha. i hope it pushes through.

my cousins are leaving in october. it's so sad.

groupworks are killing me. we have too much so we can't really meet up since a couple of members have meetings with other groups. not to mention shakesfest and marching band, which involves the whole class. i don't see the point anymore..well maybe i do but i hate it.

time flies. second quarter begins and as a kick off, they gave us more homework and projects and research! how exciting! this is definitely good for everyone's health!

Saturday, August 20, 2005

i'm bored
bonding with happy flower ella today
t shirt tan lines
must love dogs
lost cellphone
heartbroken crush ebe
sleepover
othello watching. im used to gore because of all the movies we watch
voice cracking
missing the people im missing
new sim
messy room
annoying truths
mrt..like flying
lights
can't sleep pa rin

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

okay it's 11:11 pm and i haven't done anything yet. i still have to write my essay on the part of my life that i need hope in..i can think of a million things. haha! i envy katha who says she's going to write about not needing hope in any aspect right now. and here i am undecided whether i want to wirte about insecurity hope itself, reality, schedules, dancing(haha), my looks, my inability to do a lot of things, photography, my grades, acceptance, love, being jaded, identity crises..i could go on for days. and i still want to go on reading harry potter.

hahahahaha. i feel so bad

Sunday, August 14, 2005

yesterday was fun..went to school wasn't really in the mood to do so but we had marching band practice. it was lame ika nga. but we had to do it. then after we walked to mcdo taft..class bonding even if half the class didn't show up. it was still fun..though we have to be in school by 6 on monday so we can clean the..whatever. after that i went to katha's place to get the ticket for the game but i didn't go anyway..long story. then i stayed with the two of them to disrupt their sleeping time. hahahaha sorry ;p then i went to the studio for class..i'm still not getting any better in dancing. hahaha. i'm learning a lot though. just that my body gets a hangover for like 4 days and before i know it, next class. my butt hurts. my legs hurt. my back hurts. my legs hurt. my tummy hurts. did i mention my legs hurt? we did that exercise where you're lying down and they push your leg and you have to fight and then relax and they push more. it was a foot or so away from my face already. angela said i could do more because she says im flexible (yey). i take that as pressure. literally. it hurts bad. (hahaha redundant) then after that we went to greenbelt. i got a copy of harry potter. i'm almost halfway..i started it this morning but i realized i had to do homework. then FINALLY i got to see charlie and the chocolate factory. it was really artsy. it had a dark undertone to it if you watch closely specially if you compare it to the original picture (the candymaaaaan!! the candy man can cause he mixes it with love and makes the woooorld taste goooooood!!). it was soooooo nice. it had better twists. i hope they make the sequel into a movie.. on the other hand it isn't really for kids. ha ha. johnny depp is so darn interesting. i'd want to meet him. he's so psycho. i wonder who directed that. it got me rather full though, stead of hungry. i still don't quite mind that we're banned from chocolates. i think. i'm getting the soundtrack to annoy people..playing it full volume at home seems quite a nice idea. ha ha. i loved the 70's ish song..the squirrel song. anyway i gotta go na pala

Saturday, August 13, 2005

insomnia bites

i'm bored. it's early in the morning. and i can't really sleep. i tried listening to what usually makes me sleep but it isn't really working. i'm way up. sometimes i wish being tired never existed. like, sleeping was made for people to dream. or something. i was just wondering. how do you pronounce lynyrd skynyrd? i don't know. that's why i'm wondering. free bird. is this glam rock? or southern rock? i'm starting to love their sounds. which is not a good thing because i wouldn't know where to buy their albums. i only have this mp3 cd of really good artists from led zeppelin to pantera to jimmi hendrix to metal church to aerosmith to motley crue skid row and mr big. i love mr big.. it's sad that there are only a few songs though. (am i even spelling it right) i can't download because of this stupid firewall. i can't find them anywhere near..like the more accessible areas. i can only listen here and in inxs. sana manalo si mig. (tama ba)

i get goosebumps hearing just take my heart.

i'm still bored. i'm not in the mood to study. it's past 1 am and thre are still people online but none that im particularly close to. i'm looking at mr big pictures and i'm falling in love with richie kotzen again it's inevitable. you see who can resist this sexiness?




i mean wtf. it's sexier than noel gallagher. why. and i only found out his name today kasi i keep on forgetting. i'm currently listening to i remember you. it makes me want to cry big time. it seriously does. but it makes me happy. it's a weird blend of feelings that i don't really choose but feel anyhow. hahahahahaha im so sorry i'm bangs right now bangs..hahaha bangag. (hi katha)

pambahaba ng post.

i remember you skid row

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
The wind would whisper and Id think of you
And all the tears you cried, that called my name
And when you needed me I came through

I paint a picture of the days gone by
When love went blind and you would make me see
Id stare a lifetime into your eyes
So that I knew you were there for me
Time after time you were there for me

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I’d wanna hear you say - I remember you

We spend the summer with the top rolled down
Wished ever after would be like this
You said I love you babe, without a sound
I said Id give my life for just one kiss
Id live for your smile and die for your kiss

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
Id wanna hear you say - I remember you

We’ve had our share of hard times
But thats the price we paid
And through it all we kept the promise that we made
I swear youll never be lonely

-----nakakaaliw guitar solo here-----

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
Washed away a dream of you
But nothing else could ever take you away
cause youll always be my dream come true
Oh my darling, I love you

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I’d wanna hear you say - I remember you

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I’d wanna hear you say - I remember you

Friday, August 12, 2005

dream theater

Live another day
Climb a little higher
Find another reason to stay
Ashes in your hands
Mercy in your eyes
If you're searching for a silent sky...

You won't find it here
Look another way
You won't find it here
So die another day

The coldness of his words
The message in his silence,
'Face the candle to the wind...'
This distance in my voice
Isn't leaving you a choice
So if you're looking for a time to run away...

You won't find it here
Look another way
You won't find it here
So try another day

They took pictures of our dreams
Ran to hide behind the stairs
And said maybe when it's right for you, they'll fall
But if they don't come down
Resist the need to pull them in
And throw them away
Better to save the mystery
Than surrender to the secret

You won't find it here
Look another way
You won't find it here
So try another day

i collapsed into bed when i got home my brain needed a vacation from all the thinking that we had to do. it wasn't memorization it was all essays analogies modified true or falses editorial cartoons and all that i nearly died but it's okay.

currently listening to dream theater though i only have 4 songs and i cant download. it's sad. none of the good ol bands are in tower anymore. oh well.

i'm tired. but i don't want to do the usual things..all centered around the academe. which is basically our whole world. sad.

bkit ba puro sad nalang? eh masaya naman ako. hahahahaha labo.

Monday, August 08, 2005

the adventures of me while walking home

while walking home from school especially after the rain, i have learned a lot of things. today, for example
  1. never walk behind inconsiderate people who have umbrellas and then walk really slowly in the middle of the road so you get soaked
  2. never walk in front of people shorter than you with umbrellas. they will hit you in the head in the most unhumanly way possible with the umbrella spikes
  3. never walk in between people in situations 1 and two because it will be too hard to get away or overtake them
  4. when you ring the doorbell and no one will answer on the 20th second, ring the bell as hard as possible to annoy the people at home. they will get mad but you will be spared from colds
  5. keep your planner inside your bag or else it will get soaked and will undesirably tear away from its spiral

okay so thats all folks kthxbai

running in my head

i've been so stressed lately. what with school, projects, rehearsals and all the in between things. i wish my body wouldn't give up at the end of the day. i've been so short tempered and sad for the smallest and pettiest of reasons. which is a very bad thing. come to think of it, the whole class has kinda been that way lately. i think that it is a miracle that i am passing my tests without studying. it's a bad miracle though, since because i'm passing, i get too lazy to really really study.

i've been learning a lot lately, a lot the hard way. i've been missing a lot of things like normalcy and wasting time with people worth wasting time for. i've been missign inspiration and putting things in my diary. literally and figuratively. no one gets that. and i'm going to miss my cousins leaving soon. i'm sad. i need a hug right now. or warmth.

anyway to happier things. the weather. the weather is nice. you can wake up in the morning and hug the pillow. i love that semi cold feeling. and it rains and i don't mind getting drizzled on walking to school. there are still a lot of things to be thankful for...being positive's always nice it just gets to me sometimes when you actually know the truth.

nonsense.
daydreams. stupid things. colored lights. endless staircases. dictionaries with words i don't understand. poetry in motion i can't read it. not understanding what's happenning. people talking. hearing blahblahblah. closng my eyes. ignorance. stopping for a while and then listening. belieing in something else. emptiness. empty promises. rain. love. explosion.

looking back and regretting scares the hell out of me.

i've been thinking and it doesn't really get me anywhere i'm just running in circles like a sick cycle carousel singing to me in my sleep do you know i've missed you? god i miss you got into my head with all the pretty things you said and just to be with you everything's perfect but you'll never know. i don't want to buy the hole i'll fill. go figure.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

today was my sleeping day. well, non academic day.


OMG. PARAMITA. stillness. guess who's playing!!alam ko na pangalan niya. the world is small. and i am a stalker.

::sana ay makilala ka muli tulad ng dati::

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

fifteen

(this is more for me than your reading pleasure)

i don't feel any older but i'm sitting here feeling happy. with a silly grin on my face. anyway, my birthday was like..an adventure. haha.

from saturday, in atc with m&k..to sunday with my family, and today with basically everyone. or something like it.

anyway, i guess this was the best because i thought it would be a mundane day with the usual. i had a bad start because we had so much homework. i slept around 4am sunday. and i didn't finish..basta it was bad. i was late for mass, nobody was in the counters..i felt sad. at first. haha.

anyway i won't go into the details and all. it's sooooo overwhelming. i got a lot of meaningful things..from saturday's NEVER OPEN UNTIL IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY gift, to the sweet smelling cow to the engraved pen and the money and all.. i opened the gift from missy and katha, they got me the sky and they put it in a bottle. morning, i got a rose from cham :D lunchtime, missy and kats surprised me with a cake that wasn't choclit, with the scented candle to blow..lollipop, candies, glass. it was so..i was so speechless. it helped compensate for the homework. all the texts, the birthday cards, they all meant much to me. then my day was over.

or so i thought. haha. when i went home, there was a boquet of yellow flowers waiting for me!! waaaaa. it was so nice.

then there was a BLACKOUT. super duper badtrip because we have two longtests and a periodical exam and printed homework for tomorrow so i couldn't study. senti mode from ella's cd. i got touched. it was from ella!! hahahaha. and today ang daming free beso hahahahaha. tapos yun i was getting worried kasi it was 8 already and there wasn't any light yet. and then i got a call. after that, i got called again, and there was a surprise at the gate. 3 people in yellow!! with yellow balloons and cake and all. so i ate dinner again. it colored the dark atmosphere. (we had a candle lit dinnr kasi brownout) I DIDN'T EXPECT IT AT ALL because tomorrow's a school day.

i am so happy. even if i have to stay up til 3 am to do all my homework, it's worth it. thank you God for my friends. i won't wait for next year's birthday to see how much they mean to me.

i'm speechless (okay this may not seem speechless because it's long but i am). makes me feel better about fifteen. and yesterday's trip to bulacan because it was supposed to be my grandparent's 50th anniv. we all made our promises to papa and i'll try to keep mine.

i feel happy.

the best gift was the one God got me.