running in my head

i've been so stressed lately. what with school, projects, rehearsals and all the in between things. i wish my body wouldn't give up at the end of the day. i've been so short tempered and sad for the smallest and pettiest of reasons. which is a very bad thing. come to think of it, the whole class has kinda been that way lately. i think that it is a miracle that i am passing my tests without studying. it's a bad miracle though, since because i'm passing, i get too lazy to really really study.

i've been learning a lot lately, a lot the hard way. i've been missing a lot of things like normalcy and wasting time with people worth wasting time for. i've been missign inspiration and putting things in my diary. literally and figuratively. no one gets that. and i'm going to miss my cousins leaving soon. i'm sad. i need a hug right now. or warmth.

anyway to happier things. the weather. the weather is nice. you can wake up in the morning and hug the pillow. i love that semi cold feeling. and it rains and i don't mind getting drizzled on walking to school. there are still a lot of things to be thankful for...being positive's always nice it just gets to me sometimes when you actually know the truth.

nonsense.
daydreams. stupid things. colored lights. endless staircases. dictionaries with words i don't understand. poetry in motion i can't read it. not understanding what's happenning. people talking. hearing blahblahblah. closng my eyes. ignorance. stopping for a while and then listening. belieing in something else. emptiness. empty promises. rain. love. explosion.

looking back and regretting scares the hell out of me.

i've been thinking and it doesn't really get me anywhere i'm just running in circles like a sick cycle carousel singing to me in my sleep do you know i've missed you? god i miss you got into my head with all the pretty things you said and just to be with you everything's perfect but you'll never know. i don't want to buy the hole i'll fill. go figure.