prom.

so the whole prom thing isn't as magical and as glamorous as i always thought it would be. i mean just planning the whole thing is a LOT OF STRESS. watching the whole thing come together's fun though. like watcching the arch being built maybe. since summer all this hulabuloo for one night. and all the energy, time, tears, fuss, daydreaming that i wasted just for one night. strange how things like these matter. when there are bigger things out there. haha! and i don't know why we're so anxious but we are anyway. and the dates! haha i don't know why it's that way. it's not like you'll marry your prom date... haha. maybe you'll dance the night away with the person but he doesn't have to be your dreamboy, he doesn't have to be the person you always always wanted to go with. unless you're michelle of course. goes to show how we can chase our dreams too. but otherwise prom's not the only place where you can go out on a date. haha it's actually not as nice as being alone with the person. just that it's minus the gowns and suits but whatever. i still dream of slowdancing under the stars. not in a dance floor with everyone else there pero pwede na rin thats why we have our minds. haha! and if your crush is going with someone else, it doesn't mean you can't dance with the person. hahahaha. seriously all you need is gut and for that one night, muster it. lessons learned. like rushing things. thats quite a bad idea. but sometimes we have to trust our gut and thats the way i am. sabi sa guidance eh. the whole prom thing is insane. but i'm enjoying it while it's still a memory being weaved.

and we get to see everyone in dresses! haha

always isn't forever

if only i had known, i would have stayed much much longer because nothing beats wasting time. with yooooou. :(

but i have ten million reasons to be happy! today was a day filled with cheap thrills and things like that can really make you forget about things you have to keep in your mind such as the future! haha i look so much into what i want to happen for tomorrow or all of my big big dreams that i forget that i have to live in the present. too. but in more ways than one that's what i really really want to do. i'm in high school for goodness' sake. i wish i had all the guts that i want to have. then maybe i'd be happy instead of courteous. haha!...

today was a happy day. i had regrets but today was something.

God i hope sunday evening comes already. don't we all love that expectant excited feeling? i don't know. but i do! hahaha!

sometimes i think that some people should go down in history more than others. LALALALA.

i'm happy na ewan i dunno how to describe this feeling! i'm content but not satisfied. haha they may be the same but really they aren't. :D

i still miss you and i'd say that ten million times if it means that you'd be here beside me. but i'll just look at you because if i say that ten million times my laway would be dry and i'd have funky breath and you'd never talk to me again. so i'll just watch you smile and i'll smile back because i've been saving smiles for you. haha!..

and i'm sure you won't find toad the wet sprocket hoi polloi and nothing else will matter right?hahaha. I WISH. and you won't really mind the annoying things that i do and i really hate the way i feel! haha i know that i mean nothing to you how does it feel that you mean the world to me? haha maybe not the world but at least mine. haha! i don't really care that we don't agree on anything at least we always have something to talk about this is going to take a long long while..


afraid to find that all the hope that you had sent into the sky by now had. crashed. and it did. because of me...spin around me like a dream hey baby maybe...

dear God,

thank you for not making me pretty because it means i don't have to deal with shallow people.

Amen.

And we hung like space stations and rocketships
And dreamed like we were things of the sky
We dressed like kings and queens and lovers
And shouted out into the night "we're never gonna die."

And I've waited here for hours, hoping that you'd call
And my dialing finger's tired, and your machine is full
And I've taken 18 showers just to pass the time
And that phone just rang, but it wasn't you on the line.
And you don't seem to mind

And it was New Year's Eve, but I was thinking of the summer, knowing that at midnight you wouldn't be around. And they say children make the greatest soldiers, they do just like they're told, and take up less space on the ground. And it seems to me that we'd been here before

Where were you when I was at the airport,
where were you when i wanted to fly?
Tell me where you were when i was at the airport, these planes fall from the sky.

And I wish I had an airport, some days
Cause some days are just so hard.

:(

why does it matter so much to me anyway?

what's with today?

belated friday the thirteenth maybe. today had its way of making random things go wrong. from school till now. i know this sounds totally pessimistic but i can't muster up enough happy thoughts for real smiles. no matter what happens, the bad things always seem so much weightier. and the pressure. the pressure's killing me right now. other than that today seemed to be my very girly day. crying.. it just isn't my thing. worst part was, i couldn't really tell anyone. not that anyone would really alot time for me anyway. i mean, even my mom's tired from work that i guess it's a sin to even tell her things. and it's not like i have time either, because of all the school work. and i just missed a lot of things that usully make me happy, and guess what, they just had to not come today. i won't give a rundown of the sad stuff anymore. stuff like that should be written in pencil then should be erased.



hahahahah i just realized how totally self pitying and pathetic that sounded. sadness is so. overrated! hahahaha

like they say what's done is done. doesn't mean i won't learn from those things though. i love chem. why didn't i just sleep the night before?maybe i'd have remembered the things i had to and maybe i could've gotten a higher score. banban naman eh naghighest nga ko sa grammar naman (no God, i still count that as a blessing, i don't want to be ungrateful)

i'm going to work harder. i'll try to to quit being lazy. for now i want to sleep. temporary happiness. haha.

being busy has its good side. i think i'm not too selfish anymore, since being in the prom core. i mean to some extent i still am, but not like before. i hope my night goes better than i expect.

babbling is fun. because i can't babble tonight to..the people i usually babble to? haha. makes my day just perfect. that was sarcasm btw and i have to sleep now


thank you lord for all these trials because they make me me much stronger
thank you for my low scores because i won't settle for mediocrity anymore.

thank you lord for michelle and katha.

i'm so happy for both of them! hahaha finally michelle's dream is coming true! and i'm sure katha's gonna do well in everything she does from ajss to debate. sana makabreak sila. and i hope her prom date is taller than her and as good looking as she is. i also hope michelle picks the right color. haha!

i'm sorry i'm like this it's the only way i can comfort myself.

when life gives you lemons make lemonade. tonight, i have a lot of ingredients for lemonade so i have to go and make some.

and like katha said, maybe God does have a greater purpose for me. maybe this is like a chapter of a nice story. yeaaah. so i really have to go now.

miss you.

busy busy busy!

january to feb will be suuper kaduper full, and not with boring things! im not yet sure with march stuff. don't read this, i just want to post it here so that i'll remember and i don't have to write stuff anymore. memory baga. and i like feeling hectic btw.

january

21-Outreach rummage sale, soiree?

28-beach. kung ayoko magpaitim, fair nalang ng ateneo. that's my last gimmick weekend
actually

february

04- corporate show for japan i dunno
-and PROM. same day as the show. yikes!

11-Glee something. i don't know which performance thingy
-sad day :(

17-chorale fest!! at st cecilia's hall

18-ateneo prom

24-CCP show-concert of winning school choirs

25-la salle prom


THE QUESTION IS: with all these booked weekends, when do i have myself measured for my gown and when do i buy my shoes and stuff? :( i'm sure my weekdays will be til 7 pm. bahala na si God. i'm sure he'll find a way for me to buy my shoes and others. I LOVE YOU GOD YOU ARE THE BEST

i love february then march then SUMMER!

chemical

it's approximately 12:31 and i'm taking a break from chemistry. frankly, i'm a bit distracted by a lot of things. these keep me from concentrating. and to write manually would be too slow, so here i am in the middle of doing online excercises on chemical compounds.

anyway, a lot of things are going on in my mind and more than half of them i cannot post online. these insecurities can kill people sometimes. hahaha what i heard this morning in the news called my aunt's mouth was totally disturbing. it was all i could think of. bittersweet and distracting, but strangely it drove me into doing the things i had to do. EXAMS

ang hiwaga ni lolo that was my title in the Filipino short story thing because i was lss-ing on mahiwaga. haha it was so fun.

i always tend to cause people some sort of jinx. i mean, the same people. it's annoying. i wonder what type of curse this is on my part. it's sad so i'll put a sad face :(

while studying animal farm, i realized that it wasn't so bad. :-) the fact that it mirrored the whole russian communist movement was freaky. i think russians are freaky with their v and z-ed names. Gustav. Czar. Their names all sound like it has a demonic undertone to it. makes me think of dark Anastasia art in my head when i read animal farm. so in the end the animals are all demented in blue and black.

what else what else.

i miss yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooou. a lot.

okay okay back to chemistry. and literature.

btw.


oenone's story is so nice. when paris begged her to save his life using her nymph magick, she watched him die. after his last breath, she killed herself as well.

the conversations of katha and hannah

theprettybanana: HAHAHAHAHAHAH
theprettybanana: ONE WEEK
theprettybanana: ARG
theprettybanana: ?
theprettybanana: HHAKDFGSFO BIASDHFOPERY IO FOIWHEIOFKDBKLND
theprettybanana: JKGSIODH JDG IODYISHD8ICTYASXJH KDFGKHDK LJFH LKWJFHKJFH
theprettybanana: HJHAKHGJDGFKJFG lhfgshfdklsdghfdgfgKLDJHFLSAJDH
ahtak_obese: dhjdfufefewqiuqwfeiugfqwgiwfeqgyiwfeqgyigyifweq
theprettybanana: LSDHOGCABJFGKJG DGF HGFJKGSDKLF KSDF SF
ahtak_obese: idsqihwifyewryt9ehgioerhueigy78ryghwiergJFEIOWQYHFIWHQIOGHIOQGEYWO!
theprettybanana: KSDHGF SDHAFAHRFDKFH OSDFHOSIDFHOSDIFHODIFHA
theprettybanana: IYRIOQ3UR 098UJWERFJ E9DF IOFUHWEFY9W78RYHDIUFHQEUFHIUFHPE9SF
ahtak_obese: DPFUIQWOGUUEYFQ9YWEFHUIIIIIIIIIIIQWIPQEIFHYIQPWEHFOSADHIFOQWHFE
theprettybanana: LKUET FOUIEGSB OIUGHDILXJHCJSDTFUSELSKJHQWI
ahtak_obese: SHARING THY SYMPATHIES.
theprettybanana: jKHSAHDSHs;sdoibc djahflqsjkfh;diojf pwioeurpoipoI
theprettybanana: HAHAHAHAHHAHA
ahtak_obese: cutesie he texts with so many smileys its annoyin

feeling the vim of life here. hahahaha i love that word. i'm living every second right now...might not be this way tomorrow but as of now i'm so alive i could die.

i'm so thankful it hurts. hahaha labo. bastaaa. ako'y nagpapasalamat sa diyos nating panginoon pagka't paka raming biyaya ang natatanggap ko ngayon at sa ating.."less than perfect" na mundo, okay na to. masaya.

the excitement i feel. all these emotions panged into one being.

exam week. i will not go online. i will not go online. i will not go online. ackk. thats the only thing i do here at home, besides sleep and eat and draw and read and bike and talk on the phone and listen and take pictures. strange. maybe studying should be added to that list.







help, God.

fake plastic trees

Her Green plastic watering can
For her fake chinese rubber plant
In fake plastic earth.
That she bought from a rubber man
In a town full of rubber plans.
Just to get rid of itself.
And It Wears Her Out, it wears her out
It wears her out, it wears her out.

She lives with a broken man
A cracked polystyrene man
Who just crumbles and burns.
He used to do surgery
For girls in the eighties
But gravity always wins.
And It Wears Him Out, it wears him out
It wears him out, it wears him out.

She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My Fake Plastic Love.
But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run
And It Wears Me Out, it wears me out
It wears me out, it wears me out.

And if I could BE who you wanted
If I could BE who you wanted,

All the time

LOST IN THE STARS

BEFORE LORD GOD MADE THE SEA AND THE LAND,
HE HELD ALL THE STARS IN THE PALM OF HIS HAND,
AND THEY RAN THROUGH HIS FINGERS LIKE GRAINS OF SAND,
AND ONE LITTLE STAR FELL ALONE,

THEN THE LORD GOD HUNTED THROUGH THE WIDE NIGHT AIR,
FOR THE LITTLE DARK STAR ON THE WIND DOWN THERE,
AND HE STATED AND PROMISED HE’D TAKE SPECIAL CARE
SO IT WOULDN’T GET LOST AGAIN,

NOW A MAN DON’T MIND IF THE STARS GROW DIM,
AND THE CLOUDS BLOW OVER AND DARKEN HIM,
SO LONG AS THE LORD GOD’S WATCHING OVER THEM,
KEEPING TRACK HOW IT ALL GOES ON,

BUT I’VE BEEN WALKING THROUGH THE NIGHT AND THE DAY,
TILL MY EYES GET WEARY AND MY HEAD TURNS GRAY,
AND SOMETIMES IT SEEMS MAYBE GOD’S GONE AWAY,
FORGETTING THE PROMISE THAT WE HEARD HIM SAY,

AND WE’RE LOST OUT HERE IN THE STARS,
LITTLE STARS, BIG STARS, BLOWING THROUGH THE NIGHT,
AND WE’RE LOST OUT HERE IN THE STARS,
LITTLE STARS, BIG STARS, BLOWING THROUGH THE NIGHT,

AND WE’RE LOST OUT HERE IN THE STARS.

baduy and mushy, but beautiful in its own way. i'm sorry it's in caps but it was the first set i found AND TYPING IN ALL CAPS IS FUN ANYWAY IT GETS YOU HIGH WHOOOO HAHAHA STRANGE!

i wanna fly, but before that we have to do our leaft chromatography thing. earlier today i realized how funny we all looked in our gala uniforms. i've outgrown mine. they're all so FRILLY but nice in a twisted and pleated way

random effed up stuff

the things swimming in my mind right now

prom is just around the corner. i can feel it, everyone's subtly talking about it, their gowns, their date, their preparation and there i was outlining the program for the nth time, and with the prom core, brainstorming and stressing over the photography, the sponsors and stuff but oh well thats the way the cookie crumbles! other than that i am learning a LOT. plus dance class is really really fun! ballroom dancing is pretty fun, just strange but fun. other than that, the constant meetings during lunch and recess, all the circulars being released and stuff. things are so ubiquitous, it's getting overrated.

i have food problems. i did research on something something and everything points to me lacking fat. GOD. i need help. eating just isn't my thing. and i have to eat more! acck. i'll gain weight. i know this sounds really shallow but i'm just not used to it. oh well. sounds like a resolution to me!

hmm, i think my insecurities are slowly creeping away. not completely, i think that's next to impossible, but hey i'm improving! hahaha babaw

health class. the longtest was fun. question number four. describe the man you want to build your family with. little did i realize i was just describing..random..people? hahaha it was fun and sad all at the same time. i never even thought about that before.

i wanna quit friendster but i realized it has worked hand in hand with me on those bitter nights way back. God knows what else that site can do for or against me in the future. it's an evil form of vanity that makes you insecure of people with more friends or testimonials than you. haha, not really. but it's so..self proclaimed. hahaha to delete or not to delete?

the shadow proves the sunshine. so if i'm in the shadow, i should see beyond what blocks the light and embrace my fear. i have to get up and face the music! i was thinking of that last night along with a lot of other things that were meaningful but i forget them now. hahahaha bangs!

FINALLY, after the break i was able to think of stuff. i realized that just because people do things one way, it shouldnt stop me from banging my own drum.specifically, just because..*toot* thinks that something is wrong with some of the things that i have been WANTING to do, it doesn't mean that they are wrong! and it's better to be hated for who i am than loved for who i am not.

i'm becoming badder everyday though. ackk. i should try to be good. i know that this is quite vague but man, i should try to be nicer.

it just crossed my mind right now, but i think i should be thinking more about school and not these things. haha! i liked the vacation but i realize i like school also. i like life in general nowadays anyway. strange but i guess that's the best change that happened to me. these rose colored glasses don't cost much but they are the best.

life is life! so colorful

head on collision

I've been waiting for a good day
I've been holding back long enough
I've been hurting to tell you some things
it's not the falling of the temperature
that's making all our bones run cool
it's the breeze you make
the presence felt when you're around me

and it feels like I'm at an all-time low
slightly bruised and broken
from our head on collision
I've never seen this side of you
another tragic case of feeling
bruised and broken
from our head on collision
I've never seen this side of you
another tragic case

and I'm still waiting for a good day
I think I've held this long enough
I think it's safe to tell you some things
it's not just what you say to people
and it's not the way you look at me
it's the way you present yourself
for all your worst critics to see

and it feels like I'm at an all-time low
slightly bruised and broken
from our head on collision
I've never seen this side of you
another tragic case of feeling
bruised and broken
from our head on collision
I've never seen this side of you
another tragic case

then you were gone
you were gone
all this time you just didn't know it yet
you were gone
all this time you just didn't know it yet
you were gone

and it feels like I'm at an all-time low
slightly bruised and broken
from our head on collision
I've never seen this side of you
another tragic case of feeling
bruised and broken
from our head on collision
I've never seen this side of you
another tragic case
another tragic case of feeling
bruised and broken
another tragic case and I've been
still waiting for a good day
still waiting for a good day

tananananantanananan!

I'M BACK! hahahaha here i come!


i can do so manyy things with a blank space i forget the things i have to but it's okay

i wanna cry!!

tears tears tears tears

okay now that that's settled i hope things get okay, i hope you're okay!!

yeah you

hearing those words from you killed me.

boredom bites


but it stings when you know that a lot has to be done.

still


hahaha

i'm so sorry that the year started that way for you. it's horrid of me to have done that. but i just couldn't. i know you're pissed but i'm sorry.




im going to be super kaduper busy busy busy next few weeks and months so i'm spending the last few days of break happily! i'll try.

brainstorming can get to you sometimesssss :D

what elese what else











i dunno! but i don't care! i'll kiss the vacation away! i'll miss being out!

hello, 2006!

i don't have anything to say, actually. all of mythoughts are in my journal, and not the online one, definitely.

i don't have a resolution yet, cheers for me. i don't want a long list of resolutions like last year. just one that i'll really work on. i'm still deciding. :D it's a toss up between to just be game at all times and concentrating on school and being nicer and less internet, more books and consistency. it's so difficult.

jhtfdacgiourv cidfcaiufwcihiouyih fihdiahfiocwhfihfiojhefig mnfguiwrgkiowrh bjniofkjfh okadfh kjfhaksf ojkfhokashf jkfho akjfh kj hkofjh ko kfkhofkhokfjhwryqioho uiwoiuh qiu iur oiqre poiqeup qur p[iweofh h ukshkh oieh ohfpioaepfjdpf pdowlpp pshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

in other words, yey.

i have a new turtle btw. i dunno what to name it though, i just keep on calling it babes. hahahaha.








bahala na si batman.

and yeah thank God for batman

tears tears tears tears.
hhahahahahahahahaha


WATCH OUT FOR ME! this is the comeback of the year. this is the only comeback so far. hahaha what?