i feel like i'm such a bad person

why is it like this

sure feels right

I LOVE YOU REIN I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOOOOOUUUU

hugs when you come back okay?

YOU LOOK LIKE BECKHAM RAW

you'll always be my "iknowthatface!!"

I MISS YOUUUUUUUUU

and we are :O MEANT

The Story of Charlie Brown

Once upon a time, there was a sticker. His name was Charlie Brown. Charlie was actually a nice sticker. He lived in between the pages of a sticker book named Paula McCartney. Now, Charlie was a magical sticker. Unlike the other stickers, he had the superpower called jungyposey. This power allowed stickers to not stick. Other stickers couldn’t do that without a human hand, in which case they were dirtied and thumbprinted at the back. Now Charlie, with all his powers, eventually got to travel the world by sticking as a stowaway in travel bags in airports. In traveling, he learned a lot. He became a worldly sticker.

He met lots of other stickers, stickers of every kind! Bumper stickers which carried little bits of texts like, “HIT MY RIDE,” and “PRO GUN,” and “DOCTOR ON CALL,” all of which he found very odd. He met double sided stickers who never got to hug other stickers cause then they would have to get married. He even met peculiar stickers who could only stick once but carried so much value and were collected by humans called collectors.

All in all, Charlie Brown was very happy.

One day, he decided that he wanted something else. Something in him started beating. He knew that there was something more wonderful than jungyposey. Now, Charley needed help.

Our story is getting quite long and the author wants to take a shower.

It ends this way. Charlie, with all his smarts and lessons from books he spoke with (books are very smart, a part of the writer’s soul goes in between the pages) and wisdom from travel, decided he needed his home.

He realized that he was, actually, in love with Paula McCartney. So Charlie Brown, a sticker with a power, decided that he did not need his powers cause he just wanted to stick with Paula McCartney forever. They lived happily ever after.

Fin.

i will build a path to you

there are so many things that i'd rather just overlook. but if it happens again, KILL. haha

tito and i, we're finally talking again!! going to his play was probably the best thing i've done this summer. well, one of the best things. i don't think i'll ever forget things like that. makes me want to be a better person i guess. but yeah, too bad we didn't talk even when he said he'd tell me things when he got home. it's okay, one step at a time. so every full moon.. haha.

still nothing..

oh well. i hope we hear mass today, and i hope it's father bob.

still missing rein. :/

LGFUAD

things are going really bad in here. it's so hard to stay optimistic and shit.

for the first time i'm starting to really not take it through..go the other way..for the first time, things are just going ballistic in my head.

i can't wait to move out. i've never been a runner. but this time, i know it's the only way for me to be happy. a new place with no memories, a place waiting to watch you start new, a place that can encourage you, a place that believes in you. a place with happy sounds and happy stress, no screaming, no tear residue on your pillow. and if there was tear residue cause that's inevitable, a place with people who aren't afraid to hug you when you really need it. no prying, no acting like no one is affected. people who will not leave you alone at the table..stuff like that. people who will talk to you because they like talking to you, not because they need anything.

my mom is always just nagging me about stuff. i don't blame her. menopause is a nearing. it's a starting. but lately she's hot headed from work. she wants to talk to me but the things that fill my mind aren't talking stuff..not with mom at least. i'm finding things so hard. i dont have any privacy at all. probably why i cant talk to my mom. feels like everything she says is an invasion of privacy. i just can't let her in. she's my mom..not my bestfriend. i don't know. she is, kind of, but things are just so different.

and today. today was my kitty day and something so weird happened i don't know what to make of it. i hate it a lot. im supposed to have a happy hangover now but i dont have one. im just tired. haha. even the movie was tiring. pirates. haha i feel bad about keira and bloom. beautiful kiss though.

25 new messages. not one.

not one :(

i want explanations.. oh well. why was it just suddenly like that? and i'm just scared right now. striving for june 2nd.

the reality grows

it's weird how i can break in between just a thunmb and an index finger but also how i can magically recover too.

i'm giving up. i wish to tell you how you didn't have to disappoint me that way. i wish to tell you how much i waited. maybe not all my life, but when it sunk in. if you're just going to give me false hopes, just please please tell me so i dont build up this expectation, that maybe you could change..when clearly its practically impossible for you. i forgave you, but i don't like you at all. specially now. i guess i never did. i had hoped you'd change that, but you didn't. on and on you just leave. always your back turned. i wish to tell you that and i think i just might. you suck.

why are some people like that?

i'm not falling apart. in fact i think i can start new. i hope i can. im not liking some things but im trying to change what i can. but what i can't, i'll leave and start anew..

i like beginnings.

it's these little things that stand the test of time

hannah: i think
hannah: stars quiver
hannah: its cool
hannah: i noticed it before
hannah: they dont shine
hannah: they quiver
rein: quiver like twinkle?
hannah: well not twinkle
hannah: maybe
hannah: but its definitely quiver
rein: wait i'm dictinarying quiver
rein: haha
hannah:
hannah: ako nga rin
rein: rapid movements like trembling
rein: maybe yeah stars do quiver
hannah: well thats what they do right?
hannah: its like they're cold
rein: they're probably tired of being stared at
hannah: and need hugs
hannah: yea
rein: and want someone to feel them
hannah: EXACTLY
hannah: someone to hug
hannah: them
rein: so I guess you're done quivering?

i love you Rein

you mean everything to me.

parallel synchronized randomness

i'm REALLY overwhelmed by the things happening around me right now. i'm waking up to so many truths..so many challenges. what do you do to make IT in this world anyway? it's unfair, how pretty girls seem to get advances. haha. i was looking through things and i realized how much i feel alone and stuff.

i still miss rein. its clouding my head jkdhakljhlakjfhdakldhlasdhlhdkhkhkahjklahkh thats the cloud taking over haha.

i need to be more goal oriented. one step at a time.

i miss my Reiny. it's sad.

ANSWER MY PRAYER..PLEASE I NEED THIS FROM YOU. THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU.

time is never time at all

i realized last night that i'm lucky to be human.

if i were a robot, i'd think i'd be broken everytime i leaked. since i'm human, i'm free to cry and maybe, at that given time, we are, figuratively, broken, but something about being human makes you know that even without tools, you'll be fine in the end.. life is so much bigger than we make it, most of the time. maybe we just don't have the chances to make it as big as we want to, but i don't know, i think most of the time it's in our hands..or in our heads. and lucky we're humans, cause hey, we can take charge. seeing what i saw made me think a lot. being human is a responsibility..our responsibility to the world.. to live, to die big and make the dash sign of our birth and our death bigger than the numbers around it. to make that mark, even just a small one. it's our responsibility to take care of those who coexist with us. like, for example, the animals. they can't start wars against us. they can only watch their homes being destroyed and taken away. it's weird how our wants can take away their needs, and ultimately, their lives too. animals are amazing creatures yet some humans, who tend to forget that they are, are just derided with all their vanity and it puts them up, not knowing that they put others down. it's hard to imagine what one tiny face can do with the magnitude of things happening. i'm still on that. haha

meanwhile, things have been pretty much better. not a bad summer at all cept for rein not being there. friends are making things better. props to X for our meantime happy day and for going with me in the undercover mission. and to kitty for pirates! hope hope hope. such a bishy. haha.

i'm looking forward to a lot of things. i'm moving in soon! i'm really hoping for the best. meanwhile, i'm just trying to make things better. i have an addiction for gilmore girls. haha. i'm nutty as ever. i'm telling myself bedtime stories for sleep! haha. in my mind everything just seems right.

subic was fun. hell yes. got kissed by a camel. i've taken a liking for camels, mind you. haha. i'm in love with sea lions too. a tiger was put in my lap! haha i really don't like narration. specially typed up, so my uber cool experience ends there for here. haha.

seeing her was so awkward. i can't explain it.

i really believe in.. things.

I AM MISSING YOU TO DEATH.

random

i feel sick. my head's all woozy and stuff! haha

i'm thinking of how little things reflect the big things.
how patience in little things like orders or in school can reflect you patience in learning something or in becoming something big
how wasting things like money without thinking can reflect how you waste things without thinking of consequence
how giving loose change reflects how people openly give themselves to other people
how fear in trying things like new haircuts or roller coasters show how people take risks

thoughts like these are useless, it justhey just get you disappointed
when they may not necessarily be true

i'm sad.
sorry
im like this when im sad
i resort to thinking. i try not to think of sad thoughts though but when i get started its hard to stop
so its better to start thinking at random.

bedtime stories
i like bedtime stories the ones i make in my head of things happening in the secret place i go to when im bothered haha

imma start reading for one more day. wee.

tearstears

i'm at that point in time when the hero, that would be me, stops his world in search of something more. i suddenly have that lost feeling. i guess it's always been there. it's just been amplified by the sinking in of some people not being there..and that rein's not here when i guess that since last summer he's always been there to tell me that things will be okay. i don't quite have a grasp of those things right now. haha! i guess today is self assesment day. where am i? or better, who am i? who have i become?

i've been staring at that blinking line and i don't know how to answer the question i have troubled myself with. but i know i want answers. haha.

i just want to be so much more than who i am. i feel like such a failure..i know i can do more but i'm just so lazy. i really have these dreams..it's just that some things aren't in my hands.

i think i more or less know what i want. i know what i fear. i'm not sure about the things i can and can't do. i guess it just means that what i can is limitless. it's all in my head.

later..

i'm a bit sad. actually i was extremely sad a while ago but i'm happier now i guess. one of those days.

ate ming's back. it's good to know that. even if she's usually on thephone it's just great to have her back.


I MISS REIN.

this is torture.

lalalalallalalalalala

irish_eve32: mahal na mahal ka tlga nya eh
irish_eve32: pati ngayon ko lng tlga xa nakita na ganyan

Reinard (5/15/2007 6:09:37 PM): brad brad..pwde mo tawagan si hannah?
Reinard (5/15/2007 6:09:40 PM): di ako rinerplyan eh
Reinard (5/15/2007 6:09:48 PM): tanungin mo lang kung nakauwi na siyang bahay
Reinard (5/15/2007 6:09:52 PM): o kung safe siya
Reinard (5/15/2007 6:10:01 PM): hindi ko lam pano siya umuwi eh
Jc (5/15/2007 6:10:07 PM): cge sandali lng
Reinard (5/15/2007 6:30:50 PM): braaad
Reinard (5/15/2007 6:30:55 PM): pwede mo tawagan sa bahay?
Reinard (5/15/2007 6:30:58 PM): natatkot ako eh
Jc (5/15/2007 6:31:05 PM): ano number?
Reinard (5/15/2007 6:31:15 PM): 5217251
Reinard (5/15/2007 6:31:28 PM): kung busy 5242730
Jc (5/15/2007 6:31:33 PM): cge sandali lng
Reinard (5/15/2007 6:31:39 PM): salamat


I MISS YOU, REINY.
i promise i won't let worry like that again. and sorry you had to go online at 6:30 am there just to check if i was home. i love youuuuuuu. you're all i ever think about.

these words will be here to ease every fear and dry up every tear and make it very clear, i'll kiss you and i'll know..

i miss rein

i will overuse and abuse that sentence.

i thank God my mom is my mom.

happy mother's day! props to the most special moms.

i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
i miss yooouu

iIOYOASIDHOAKSDHLkdhsodhqiohdiopqjhdioehdihihdkwdhfwhf

i LOVE you
i love everything
every detail
every part
every word
every thought
the little things you do just draw me closer
closer
i can never leave

you're so far away
but i feel near..

it's been only 3 days yet i long to feel your embrace..there are more than several days yet until i could see your sweet face..

rein i miss you

i'm going insane

i never thought..

i'm feeling things i never thought were there

i fell in love in love with you suddenly

I CANT SLEEP.

tick
tock
tick
tock

im still awake
maybe turning the computer off would help
but
i dont know
why
why
why
please oh please
answer my prayer

i'd give it up..i gave it up for this..

sorry labo :))

i
just
need
you
now

keeping myself busy and sweaty! haha

I MISS YOU, REIN BEAR.
i hope that you're happy.
i love love love LOVE you.*