beach dreams

can't wait till summer!! haha, i wanna go to the beach!! oh yess. i can almost hear the waves, and the bonfire and feel the hammock and the sun and the sea and the sand and the shorts and the shades and the pucca shells and the steak or the fish and the shells and everything about it!! hahaha. i feel like such a loser pag di ako maitim sa summer, and see the effect!! plus the fact that im under the sun ten minutes everyday when i walk to and from school. yaaaan, im negra already!! and i dont care. haha.

just wanted to write about the beach today, instead of other stuff that'll get me depressed. haha, i reeeeeeeeeeally wanna go!! hahaha, sana boracay kami this year, but i guess not. sana laiya!! hahaha.

pero bago mag beach, aral muna. haha.

oh and before i die, i'll make sure that i got to wear a bikini. heehee. :D

SWIMMING BEACH

Tayo na nga
Sino pa ba ang hinihintay natin dito
Naiinip na ako
Sige na nga
Apakan mo na ang silinyador ng oto mo
Iwanan na natin ang mundo

Tayo na sa beach
Tayo na't mag swimming
Bilisan mo na
Gusto ko na magsunbathing
Time to relax
Time to go slow
Makinig kay pareng bob
At sasabihin nito

Pagsapit ng dilim
Lumalamig ang hangin
Sindihan mo na
Ang bonfire natin

Time to relax
Time to go slow
Maupo ka na lang
At panoorin ang mundo

Kalimutan muna ntin ang trabaho
Masisira na ang ating ulo
Kailan ka ba naman huling tumambay
Patapusin ang walang hanggang paghihintay

halaga

today, ewan. pretty nice day. made dessert for family, very cool. haha. then i went with the giants to bring vince to ccp..and then tato and dennis went to westin, asked them what for and they said, manchchix. wow. i was in board shorts and shirt lang. haha, we ended up racing cars, yey. haha.

gusto ko pumunta sa beach.

lss ako sa halaga.

kaya eto.

IUmiiyak ka na naman
Langya talaga , wala ka bang ibang alam
Namumugtong mga mata
Kailan pa ba kaya ikaw magsasawa

Sa problema na iyong pinapasan
Hatid sayo ng boyfriend mong hindi mo maintindihan
May kwento kang pandrama na naman

Parang pang TV na walang katapusan
Hanggang kailan ka bang ganyan
Hindi mo ba alam na walang pupuntahan
Ang pagtiyaga mo dyan sa boyfriend mong tanga
Na wala nang ginagawa kundi ang paluhain ka

Sa libu-libong pagkakataon na tayoy nag-kasama
Iilang ulit palang kitang makitang masaya
Naiinis akong isipin na ginaganyan ka nya
Siguro ay hindi niya lang alam ang iyong
Tunay na halaga

Hindi na dapat pag-usapan pa
Nagpapagod na rin ako sa aking kakasalita
Hindi ka rin naman nakikinig
Kahit sobrang pagod na ang aking bibig

Sa mga payo kong di mo pinapansin
Akala mo’y nakikinig di rin naman tatanggapin
Ayoko nang isipin pa
Di ko alam ba’t di mo makayanan na iwanan sya

Ang dami-dami naman diyang iba
Wag kang mangangambang baka wala ka nang ibang Makita
Na lalake na magmahal sayo
At hinding hindi nya sasayangin ang pag-ibig mo

Minsan hindi ko maintindihan
Parang ang buhay natin ay napagti-tripan
Medyo Malabo yata ang mundo
Binabasura ng iba ang siya’y pinapangarap ko

signs of the times

shopping to the max today, grabe. went to market market!! tas went to greenbelt after, there was this cute little girl..hahaha. she kept on rubbing my arm while i was eating pasta. my cousins were here, tato n dennis, sige na si vince na rin cousin. haha. dennis stole my shoe. 6 foot dimwit. joke lang dennis. akin nalang kasi shades mo.

then to go on with the day, text people who are leaving, even some of my relatives are..friends..everyone's leaving just to get by. it's sad, but i hope they get nice lives there..it's still sad though.

got a copy of inuman sessions, BUONG VERSION NG HARANA!! oh yess!! but. the last line aint there..yung.. mahal kita sinta..

kagabi

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!kilala pala nya ko!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

okay, stalker na.

pero..

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

hahaha. hahahaha. haaaaaaaaaaay. haha. :D :D :D :D :D

temporary happiness..

********

parent daughter dialogue, walang kwenta. haha. me and my mom, we just ended up telling stories and i told her every detail of what happened last night. hahaha.

BJ KNOWS HOW TO BIKE!! YEY!! haha, but she had a lot of wounds, in her term "pinassion sha." haha. marunong na finally. liko nalang.

speaking of the passion, our CLE class presentation was cancelled, im not playing mary anymore, yesss!!

ano pa ba.

wala eh, last night lang talaga.

the truth

been a while.

i'm always not in the mood.

i'm still not in the mood.

but..anyway. my mom made me happy today. haha. punta raw ako sa parlor tas magpa hot oil raw ako. hahaha. ayoko, papacut nalang ako ng hair. for some reason, getting a haircut always helps me get happy.

i'm getting better na. i think. slowly forgetting someone, i think. and it's better that way..i think. and yeah, i'm keeping myself occupied. wrote my REC letter and essay.

slept reeeeeeeeeeeeeally early last night. it helps, actually. sleep really is the best cure for waking troubles. so now i'm online early. haha. ate breakfast, havent done that in ages. hey migz velez is helping me!! hahaha. who thought na sa lahat ng tao, yun pa. haha. hopeless romantic.

migs velez: pero why bother not think about him when all else leads to him?
migs velez: so just embrace that's he's gone...
migs velez: stop hoping...
migs velez: it would help...
migs velez: and besides...
migs velez: you can't find another someone when he's still on your mind...
migs velez: that's a fact.
migs velez: no matter how gwapo ung guy na makita mo...
migs velez: mababaliwala xa dahil may nasa isip ka pa rin... may nasa puso ka parin..
migs velez: stop dragging the corpse of a dead man going to the hospital...
migs velez: let it be... pray for him... bury him...
migs velez: then go your way...ü

thanks migz. hahaha, kahit dartboard mo ko. heehee. whew. that's so true!!

quiz!!

You Belong in 1974, hippie!!

1974 1970 - 1979: Bold and brash, you take life by the horns. Whether you're partying or protesting, you give it your all! What Year Do You Belong In?

wuhoo!! tama yan!! so uhh, time machine please?:D haha, labo. i wanna be a hippie. oh yeah. labo.

Your Dominant Intelligence is Intrapersonal Intelligence

Reflective and thoughtful, you enjoy spending time alone. You are good at analyzing yourself - and knowing your true feelings. Totally self aware, you are in tune with your dreams and desires. A spiritual and philopsophical person, your inner calmness inspires and helps others. You would make a great philosopher, researcher, or theorist.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

weh.

You are 47% Leo

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

haha, hindi ako leo!! i'm my own sign.

You Are Very Scary

AAAAAAAAAAARRRGH

How scary are you?

Isa Pa 'to

para kang panaginip
parang tao sa tv
talang nagniningning
Liwanag sa dilim

para kang panaginip
minsan masaya
minsan malungkot
laging malabo parang yung tulang to

para kang panaginip
lumulutang ako
at nawawala
sa kabihasnan mo

para kang panaginip
hindi ka tumagal
nagpaasang totoo
sana nagicing nalang ako


haha, sumobra na sa labo. anyway, one liner time!!

• magpapakabitay na ko
• hey i have an enemy make her your enemy too
• i said General Statement!!!!!!

me and karmi, we have a new crush!! ahahaha, mejo pilit lang. pero a crush nonetheless. he became no. 2 in our list. his name is..secret. haha, and he's no celebrity either. and if asked, ano sasabihin nmin?"kasi wala siyang pakialam." haha. yehey. we are obsessed!! we have a paper saying "*** heart harmi" hahaha. walalng. weird.

OMG, i got a 10 in dance!! and special mention ako ni ms jordan sa candle dance. im too happy raw. sobra raw yung smile ko while we were doing the thingy with the candles. haha, she had this face, i think i was freaking her out. haha. it's weird, all my classmates had that weird look. and this time even the teacher did. success dance today, yey!! i can be a candle dancer na!! haha.

broken sonnet

habang kasama cla sarah yesterday..haha. on a piece of tissue..

"one" liners

• buddhabuddhabuddha
• scuse me, may dumie
• dust bunnies sa royal ko!!
• ay surie patanggal ng ice
• kmukha ni max yung waiter!!
• pano trip to boracay for two eh tatlo kami
• pabalot ng asin
• NERD
• gwapo?mabait
• gwapo?mayaman
• gwapo?chess club
• gwapo?taga forbes
• gwapo?super sweet
• gwapo?ayos pumorma
• gwapo?binigyan ako ng rose
• gwapo?gentleman
• gwapo?ang cute kumanta
• gwapo?ano ba, obvious bang hindi
• uy tago nyo ung royal
• clue:intial niya iced tea..ay information technology pala
• hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha..tsss
• anong lasa ng puto bumbong?lasang grimace.
• may iba jan ngpapari-----nge.

there. went to the prom. haha, people watching!! when we in greenbelt, i was asked to play a tasting game and i guessed all 8 ata or 7 flavors. yey. and i won a raffle ticket to boracay for two.

while i was reading the 5 people you meet in heaven, there was a line, "no life is a waste. the only time you waste is the time spent thinking that you're alone" sapul.

i never really liked cheesy break up songs. funny how i constantly sing them now. hindi naman nakipagbreak. haha. labo.

i'm extremely hyper. hyper hyper hyper. haha. labo. laughter is the BEST medicine. wuhoo.

picture time muna.


birthday. mga yagit.


officers..2esers05..can, an, han..cathy, karmi. rhyming!! yey. with ms andaluz.

Broken Sonnet by Hale

And now i concede
On the night of this fifteenth song
Of melancholy, of melancholy
And in this next line
Ill say it all over again
That i love you, i love you.

I dont care what they say
I dont care what they do
cause tonight i’ll leave my fears behind
cause tonight
ill be right at your side.

Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And i will never let go
Will never let go.

The clock on the tv says 8:39 pm
Its the same, its the same
And in this next line
Ill say it all over again
That i love you, i love you.

I dont care what they say
I dont care what they do
cause tonight ill leave my fears behind
cause tonight ill be right at your side.

Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And i will never let go
Will never let go.

Ill leave my fears behind
cause tonight i’ll be right at your side.
Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And i will never let go
Will never let go.

But still i see the tears from your eyes
Maybe im just not the one for you.

1 am

i need not say what i just saw. yup. phantom nga. it was the best!! hahaha, i dont know whether it was beter nung on stage or this one.

i realized how sacred music is to me..how i hate it when the term music is so abused nowadays..but how it is that you can't say it out loud either because it sounds too arrogant..oh well. i guess it's my opinion, i just want theatre and the craft to be respected, because sometimes people don't get what kind of passion it takes for one to be able to get on that stage and take it quite seriously. it takes time. oh well, so much for what i'm saying. 'sif it'll make any difference. ilan lang ba may alam sa blog kong to.

tried vain attempts to play instrument. this time the guitar was my victim. i'm not very good but i'll try..i want to learn bass but then that isn't really accesible..nor are drums..i guess that makes me one of those people?i hope not..i mean, there's more to that than that right?right. labo. i'll just do the triangle. or better yet, sing. haha.

got inspired to use my voice well again. and got inspired to train for aspects of love..i really want to get the role..pero sa november pa yun. i guess my goal for now is my application for rec and my elective.

i wonder if life's struggles are made for us to be inspired.

and sometimes i wonder if inspiration exists at all.

ano nga naman ba point ng buhay?haha. san nanggaling yun.

i can't connect anything with anything with anything because i'm waiting for my cousin from the prom. and i have to get up early tomorrow because i volunteered for outreach. and i have to rush to the studio after kasi workshop. sana masaya ko tomorrow. i mean today na pala yun. kasi i was in mourning today. mourning for a dead nail of a friend and the sprained finger of another. and i'm also mourning for my internet card.

1435

sep family day. nagka dance showdows yung kids. haha. grabe, kakapagod. i got only 5 hrs of sleep. not that i'm not used to it..but on a weekend..after outreach, rushed to the studio like i predicted yesterday..missed more than half of the class..but it was fun, we screamed again. screaming should be a habit.

ay oo nga pala, mayabang ako..sabi nung isang kid knina sa outreach, "ate ate, ikaw ba yung nasa happy commercial? hahahaha. asa pa ko!! minsan lang.

currently reading 5 people you meet in heaven. it's reeeealy nice, at least i think so. :D

realized how hard it is to be caught in between the mess and the pain and the rock and roll and all the in between stuff that go with it, and to be expected to come out with something.

and i also realized that i think i like it that way.


ate ming looking at her work in the va students gallery



the popcorn i ate in greenbelt. hahaha.

supernova into oblivion

today you fixed my messed up world
and picked up slivers of me
pieces of bleeding broken glass on the floor ----[i'm getting morbid-er everyday!!:D]
helplessly waiting for everything more

with miracle hands you put me back together
those hands seem perfect with mine ---[as if..kaya nga seem eh]
thank you for making me so much bigger
without me having to get in line

my eyes were empty black holes
dead stars crying the crimsonest tears
till you flew along -----[parang superman]
nebula

space shuttle

wuhoo, blog hopping last night, i saw lots of things. that's all i can say. it's so fun stalking people with blogs..and then leaving anonymous comments. haha. i also removed my drop down playlist because it's annoying. and no, not because of SOMEONE who thinks it's because of him. hi daniel. :P

school. ms andaluz told me, "umiingay ka na anak." whoops. quiet time for me!!

later, we're watching phantom of the opera. yey!!:D

grimace goo

10 signs you're in love with armo

1. "i said, 'hi armo...' and he was like *the armo smile* sigh"--this ten times a day
2. pictures of him at the back of your phone
3. "i hate spongecola, mas magaling pa ata..6 cycle dun, i hate spongcol--pero i love you armo ah, i promise, i ove you armo--i hate sponge..."
4. ako si mrs armovit
5. "ang cute ng smile nya, para syang nkasinghot!! ang tuuuuuuute!! haaay"..pag kinokopya yung ponytail guitar move ni armo
6. pag lahat ng a-words mukhang armo na sayo
7. "he's my knight in shining ARMOr!!
8. pag ikaw si ella
9. pag ikaw si karmi
10. pag ikaw ako

one liners

1. idedemanda ko na cya!!-kj
2. and dry dry ng paa, bt hindi mag lotion!!-kj
3. her toes are coffing out of her shoes.-karmi
4. mukhang SM lady.-abby (stereotype na pala un naun)
5. hindi babae si bj kasi wala pa cya!!-2s (hi bernadine)
6. feeling ko talaga teenage mutant nija turtle ako.-hannah
7. what should be?-mdc ewan.-ciara
8. because i have ENERGY!!-mdc
9. kumain ng saging para masaya, kainin si hannah para maganda.-asia
10. diba Mon Juigel c jiggy?*eyebrows up and down rapidly*-asia and hannah
11. oh what's wrong, pretty pony pearl?-abby (wtf, hahahaha)
12. ang mga nagcommute ba, naging cute?-abby
13. phantom of the opera?ano un fans ni tom cruise?-neil
14. if we hold on..togehdehr.-mg
15. g1-phase, s-phase, m-phase..walang whattaface?:D-i actually said something funny. haha, kidding.

ang labo. anyway, those are my lists for today.

still sick, had a baaad migraine, asi the frames of my vision were black. but that's okay. haha. felt really cold even if it was kinda sunny. and in school, tulog. recess. tulog. lunch. tulog. pag uwi ko, tulog 3 1/2 hours, in uniform and naka id pa. hahaha. oh well. only one thing's sure.

gutom na ko.

trust

don't read this entry if you don't want negative energy from your computer to transfer in your body.

what would you do if..you have two friends, and they are..were..getting along fine. both really matter to you. they both trust you..then they start saying stuff, secret stuff to you..naturally you don't tell anyone..or is that still natural nowadays..anyway, friend a said stuff..the next day friend b asks you if friend a said stuff..friend b trusts that you're goin to tel him/her the truth, but you can't really. and you don't want to lie, because friend b kinda matters more. okay, that's just an introduction. haha.

i'm also confused. did i give up or end too early? or is he too late?

and yeah, i did give 'm up for another person after a while..it took time. but then after that time, i guess i was too late also, and that person gave up already..and..i end up losing both..and the other one kinda sees what he's lost but you just can't because..because you still kinda like the other person even if it's kind of in vain..

and then the hard part is..he has to be nice. i mean it would be way easier if he was just a jerk. and then he pops up again and then confides in you and..you end up depressing yourself.

i'm not sick i hope, i just don't see why they have to insist that i have a temperature. it's so annoying. but that shows my yaya and mom cares right?:D

oh and the giving out of cards. hindi ko matanggap. 80 lang sa pani. and in order for the office to recompute my grades for the first quarter so i'll have a merit record, we have to write a letter..but it was the teacher's error!! she wrote in my card that i had an 87 but it was actually a 97, and they didn't record that in the office. this goes far as my career man. haha.

for the backstabbing part. everyone agrees that one teacher in st scho must be kicked out next year. she gave people horrible grades, highest being 84..she has enough guts to do that? i mean, she's so thick!! it would be okay if yeah, she cant speak english properly but dont give people who speak better english tha you grades of 80!! and her excuse is bad class conduct? that's what the conduct grades are for!! what the hell!!

another thing she did..she said, "i'm sorry we can't give out the report cards of some students because accounts have to settle." and then he had to reiterate the names of people who haven't paid. i mean, how insensitive!! "gaga, barok and so clueless. what?! she's a speech teacher?!?" in the words of my mom. my mom doesnt say things like that. she's a bitch!! kawawa naman yung parents ng classmates ko!! napahiya pa sila!! it isnt their fault they're having financial problems!! the least she can do is give them respect and just keep it to herself. ano mapapala niya when she read the names?! she's an insensitive idiot. i have no more respect for her. i used to pity her nung pinagtatawan cya. but now i don't. after what she did..get ready for the teacher's evaluation. i hope she's out of our school next year. i'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but what she did was completely senseless. i don't want to post this online but..one click..

computer class

computer class is quite boring so here we all are surfing the net. so anyway, here's a list that was inspired by others' bloggies.

wait wala na ko sa mood, i was about to write what i like about myself but i decided it's kinda pathetic.

right now more than half of the class are surfing the net. too bad 1 period lang, but either way at least early dismissal kami, but that also means that today is cards out and that's really really scary.

i just realized how important being a bestfriend is. katha told me last night to give her a hug today, haha. labo

hahahaay. may naicp lang ako.

sick of hearing myself complain about my telenovela life.

isn't there more to life, like..a life?

galing sa blog ni asia that we made in cle time.

Things me and Hannah have in commmon

1. We both find names that have h's after the j's disturbing but kind of cute
2. We are disturbed. Very disturbed
3. Neil is cute, pamatay smile ni Jiggy at gwapo c Jhonel. (notice the h?) ( hannah: i just HAD to censor that)
4. We write nonsensical and weird Palancas
5. We both find Sir G annoying
6. We both think that getting over past flames is way more easy when you think they're gay.
7. Pareho kaming morena
8. We just looove lists
9. We make weird faces
10. We use our hands and any exposed skin besides our faces as notepads.

O nga pala, Hannah told me she put relaxing cream on her eyelids. She said the cream was too minty so she couldn't open her eyes. Steeeg. I in turn shared my experience with petroleum jelly, pareho lang nangyari pero the jelly felt hot. Yeah. Weird kami. Pake nyo? haha ;p

Words I find disturbing:

1. Garapal
2. Makatil
3. Karakas
4. Alpombra
5. Weneklek
6. Kahihimlan
7. Hannah (peace tayo han!;p)
8. Number dapat ako
9. Hilata
10. Jhonel, Jhuncie, Jhon, Jhorge..... all names that have UNNECESSARY h's (hehe ;p)

Cool phrase: It's morphene time.Roightttt.. with the "o"

kanina sa CLE, our guro told us about something he saw somewhere. He said may nakita daw xang mga bata. The kids were naked from the waist down, One girl told one boy to hug her and kiss her on the neck. And then he was like, "ganito?" then there was another kid also naked from the waist down, sitting on a chair nearby and saying "ako sunod! ako sunod!"

amp. Orgy ng mga bata.

today

it feels soooooo fun to be home as early as an early bird. heeheee. i could get used to this!! i actually watched tv!! oh yeah!! hahaha. it's bad. and wrong. it's...barong. variation of asia's badong.



hmm, lots of people are getting sick, 2 out of 5 study buddies, that's sad. asia pu8ked 4 times in one period. eww. i had to accompany her. but it's okay, i still love her anyway!! even if i had to miss the lesson and hear her..eww. haha. kidding, asia.



friday's gonna be our thanksgiving party in glee!! yey!!



ooh, and one more thing, it really feels nice to be happy. instead of being sulky and crying over someone, show the person what he's missing!! oh yeah. i came up with this while walking home to school. haha. school first!! i am so unaffected. well, im trying to be. til here!! oh and one more thing, this would be easier to do if he were just an ass, but he has to be nice. damn.



i will continue being happy. i will continue being happy.



ooh, i have a new occupation, i am now a very good candle twister!! my dance teacher only told me one thing, which is to spread my finger more which has a hidden meaning "landian mo pa hija." dance class is so super fun. haha. gaguhan. and i got an 8 in the fan dance! ooh, and my bestfriend got 1st place in biology quest for the best!! oh yeah!! she is the best!! what else. school was actually fun. and i got a 58/60 in our math long test!! inspiration!! yess!! yabang. tomorrow cards out, i so dread the day. okie dokielly doo!! haha. hyper!! gotsta split!! banana split!! not dancer split because im not a good dancer!! hahaha. only a good candle twister. heeheee.





me and my cow sins in bulacan.:D

valentine oh valentine

valentines day is so overrated if you're not in love. or if you ARE in love, it still is overrated if your love is unrequited. and valentines day is overrated if you're in love because why would you celebrate love if you're in love everyday anyway? what the hell, valentines day is overrated period.

***

last few days were cool. i am in love. secret. armo. hahaha. i love you armo. haha, ateneo soph night was cool. heard the nu concert was too. hahaha. sad. happy, whatever. i don't know what to feel. haha. weird. so anyway, i have to go before i say anything stupid orrr..basta have to go.

i wont spend

last night was glee concert. iyakan as usual. it was fun. :D went to greenbelt after. vince text happy 3 days gbefore valentines. weird. i sinned, ate pork. baaaad.

anyway today we had company class and it was fun. i did what i've been raring to do since..like..forever. we were in a circle then jenny asked us to imagine all the negative energy through a picture. then we screamed at the top of our lungs. it felt really, really good. it feels so nice to have a safe place like that where i know that nobody's judging me. after that we had a group hug because some people were in tears already. and it was nice to have that safe place where nobody really cares if you make a fool out of yourself. it's nice. later's the soph night. that should be something. so here, il sing muna!!

I Won't Spend Another Night Alone -the ataris

A star up in the sky goes slowly passing by
The lights below...they spell out your name.
You're comfort on my mind and you're with me all the time.
And lot's of feeling that I can't explain.

I won't spend another night alone.

Out of every girl I meet, no other can compete
I'd ditch em all for a night with you.
I know you don't believe you mean this much to me
But I promise you that you do.

If I had one wish this is what it would be...
I'd ask you to spend all your time with me,
That we'd be together forever.
We'd buy a small house in south central L.A.
Raise lots of kids then we'd both join a gang

Just as long as we're together.

The things you make me wanna do
I'd rob a quik-e-mart for you
I'd go to the pound and let all the cats go free

Just as long as you'd be with me.

dear ***,

i just want to know what your f****** problem is. because you don't have to call me a slut if i busted you. and if i like someone else. what the hell do you want me to do anyway? force myself to be in love with you? and besides, my world does not revolve around you. so does ate ming's world. and besides, you have no right to treat me the way you did after i spent night after night talking to you, for you just so someone would listen. you don't know how many times i defended your name and told other people to just leave you alone. and how many times my mom got mad at me for staying up late. how many times you made me cry, how hard it was for me to say no and lose my bestfriend at the same time. and you have enough arrogance and pride to talk to me and tell me that i'm ms heavenly hannah, ms i have a perfect life and call me a slut. if i'm a slut what the hell are you? i hope nobaody as stupid and as slutty as me comes and tries to understand why you are that way. BECAUSE YOU AREN'T WORTH IT, not worth a single minute of my time. get a life.

love, (or in this case, hate)
hannah

ooohoohooo

wuhoo, karmi told me to write this in here!! hahaha, today we had mass in the am. it was HOT. there was this teacher who even reprimanded us because we were facing the other way avoiding the sun..she was annoying. oh well, i guess we have to excuse people with menopause. anyway, we were also trying to find a way of holding hands in the our father without the sweaty palms part. weird habits. other weird habits include turning the litany paper into origami boats or planes, spotting the tulala people and inventing second voices in the great amen, among others. after the mass was free time which was a good thing, but i had to dress up for the service awards and make up and stuff. i was a lola once again. kidding. anyway, the service awards was also hot. after that, 4 hours free time again, where i did half of my homework. proud!! haha. anyway, after that we had rehearsals which extended for 30 mins which was okay. we stayed 7 hours longer than everyone else.:D tiring. when i got home..i got home. i realized that i COULD tell my mom anything and everything. wuhoo, swollen eyes tomorrow. i feel happy though. i think. yeah, i am. okay, another one of our weird lists..

WAYS TO MEND A BROKEN HEART

1. sleep..eat..sleep..eat
2. say, "next please!!"
3. get a picture of the other girl and say, "she's pretty, but i'm beautiful!!" haha
4. eat ice cream and chocolates..in my case, yogurt and skittles
5. get a new haircut
6. indulge in school
7. indulge in extra curricular activities
8. go on a road trip..and an ego trip!!
9. get conceited!! get vain!! hahahaha, labo.
10. find someone new!! yeah!!:D haha, show him you've moved on!!

ang labo ng list na to. and i dont give a siopao.

today was a looong day. anyway, got the results for my iq and stuff..i'm an introvert intuitive thinker perciever person. my friends disagree on the introvert part.. and the iq, (drumroll) OMG, superior!! i'm just proud, that's all. first time. haha. you'd probably think that that's no big thing, in our school it is. very little get that, and i'm really proud. at the same time, i feel as if i wasted that because the batch top 1 got a 129-superior and i got a 128-superior. so i guess i should work on what i have. i have to. i really want this. what's more disappointing is asia, 137 man!! gave her a sermon nga. later on, things started getting bad. listen through of a play for november, whole summer to train my voice. the notes are real high. i could be playing a 15 year old in love with a 25 year old. i pray i get the part, i really want this. whole day thinking of one person only and it is annoying. what do guys have that makes girls feel this way anyway? oh well. there was this story..

man: God, why did you create woman?
God: so man could love her
man: why did you make her sometimes stupid?
God: so she could love man.

that is so true. oh well. i discover a lot about people when talking about their dreams and what they miss. i found out so many things about my classmates and friends and all that (just to make it general, haha), how they struggle with life, and i saw that even people like them struggle when i thought it was all smooth in their rich lives. i was at the verge of typing something but even if that stayed anonymous, it still won't feel right so i wont. anyway, i guess that it would be better if you saw the opportunity in every difficulty rather than the difficulty in every oppotunity. so there. the thing i learned today is..i dunno, a lot. and i can say that in my very mixed up, colorful, daydreamy world of stars and broken hearts and hormonal teenagers and high cousins, i'm lucky that i'm me.ü

my friend's blog rminded me of something that i did before. i'm just making a new one. the first list, i think i was just describing someone, so here's a new one.:D

how to make me fall in love: hahahahaha, asa pa kong may ganyang tao..? my boyfriend(?) should...

1. understand me, or at least try
2. listen to what i'm saying :D
3. remember my birthday or even the simplest of things
4. sing to me, kahit sintunado
5. stay with me even if he's a little sleepy already
6. make me smile when i'm sad
7. not be cheesy, even when he's saying the cheesiest lines already
8. make me really comfortable
9. carry me home when i'm wasted
10. laugh at my corny jokes
11. care for me truly (aww, i remember the time when *toot* got mad at me when i fell on rocks because he said he told me to be careful but i wasn't. shux, miss him)
12. take me to places i wanna go, even cheap imitations like a huge water tank instead of the eiffel tower
13. tell me he loves me after we have a fight
14. miss me when i'm away
15. value me
16. teach me new stuff and tell me it's okay when he knows i suck at whatever that is
17. tell me i'm pretty when i have a huge zit or something. haha
18. not mind when i'm crying on his shoulder even when he's wearing his favorite polo and when i snot on it or something, tell me that he never really liked it anyway
19. watch my plays and tell me i did well when i sucked
20. think of me, or at least spare a thought? think of me as much as i do for him
21. give up some time for me, basta equal lang the things we give up for each other
22. not eat ice cream or chocolates when he's with me because he knows that i can't
23. tell me if he's attending a soiree or something and even if he finds someone a LOT prettier than me, tell me that i'm beautiful
24. not necessarily agree but take into consideration what i believe in
25. understand that i'm not very normal? haha
26. accept my flaws or at least tell me when he has grudges already instead of bottling it up
27. not cheat on me, or feel really guilty when he does
28. be really thoughtful
29. be a gentleman, little things like holding the door open for me
30. kiss me and hug me when i really need it
31. introduce me to his friends and not worry that i'll fall for someone else
32. love my mommy and my family even when they are getting to my nerves
33. stand up for me, even out of instinct or initiative only. even if it means something big, just the fact that he told off someone for me, that'd be enough
34. bring me up, or inspire me in a good way
35. not be manic and should respect my decisions
36. not be rude to other girls
37. offer me his jacket when i'm freezing
38. do random acts of kindness, haha
39. call me when he says that he will, or come when he says he will..he should keep his promises unless he has a good excuse
40. love me for who i am

demanding right? haha, i think more than 75% of that, i had someone in mind? haha. umm, yeah. that's not always on the positive, though. so there. im prayng so hard. this week's going to be a rough one. wish me luck!!

outreach mode

went to the outreach today. there was a book parade for the kids. super duper tiring and it made me real thirsty.. it was fun though. it was just hard to tame the kids as usual. and then we went to the wake of the husband of the woman who arranged the outreach. he was shot. man, these people really do live telenovela lives. and while we were walking in the parade, the kids were pointing out their houses by the railroad. and the woman who was washing her clothes in mud. it was..hmm..i kinda know the kids already because i've seen them before but today was the day that it all became real, that these people really lived in places like that and struggled everyday o be alive and stuff.. they are nice people, contrary to what people have made me believe evrsince i was a kid, that the people there were "bad men" and stuff. they're okay, it's just their circumstance that affects how they are.

"ate wag mo na hawakan kamay ko, kung gusto mo ako nalang hahawak sayo." sweet kid.

read this entry when the background is iris

just came from outside the house. it's so nice there, so private and yet so free. the air was cold and the stars were out. and i had a barbeque chicken burger. all was going well. playing in the beckground, iris..it was..nice..surreal. one by one memories came and stuff. it was so weird. was texting several people and yet there was this feeling of only wanting someone. OKAY, getting too emotional here. haha, anyway, i discovered that our dog who i just usually snobbed was indeed a very good listener. the best pare. for the first time i truly truly felt what it's like to be an invisible eyeball, what it feels like to be of this world and yet unworldly. You're the closest to heaven that i'll ever be and I don't want to go home right now and all I can taste is this moment and all I can breathe is your life 'cause sooner or later it's over I just don't want to miss you tonight...i wanted to just stay there forever. be in that scene..not come home..just stay there..where everything was so unreal, celestial..when i was just the girl made from the same chemical as stars..where nothing really mattered. when everything was just a crazy dream and i was at the verge of getting up...nothing mattered. nothing mattered..and it was just me, the dog, the barbeque chicken burger and the stars. must go back there. diasappear into oblivious supernovas forever.

while waiting for noodles

i am bored. i just realized that even if i'm having a tough time with scheds, i can't do anything when given free time either. and here i am with a blank page and i don't know what to put. uhh, haha. i really don't know. this is what happens when you put busy people in front of the computer on the weekend with free time. what the. ooh, i can smell the noodles na. yeah!! hahaha. gotta split!!:D

my happy entry

this is today's happy entry. i think, i hope i got casted for our play in new voice, i hope that's true. hmm, yeah, i was thrilled to have seen my face in the paper again, haha, it's a different feeling everythime?:D anyway, i really want to sleep early, i'm kinda happy na. what would you do if your friend's crush asked you out? uuhhh. oh well, will not ruin happy mood? haha, oh well. gotta split!! yeah!!:D

butterflies instead

i guess that there's one more thing to smile about..i need prayers though, there'll be a script reading on monday, i pray that i'll get casted, i really need this. and want this. today really is depressing. and the worst part is, i want to tell anyone, well not anyone, someone, everything.

I lock the door and lock my head
And dream of butterflies instead
The beauty of their colored wings
The trees, the grass and pretty things
Imagination fills the void of my existence

Daddy says "I love you girl, it's not your fault
Your mom and me don't get along"
I know he's lying, I know there's no such thing as
Inexplicable I hear, forget, this world in bed
And suddenly the sun comes up
That's when my pets all come alive
They cheer me up and tell me

Everything's alright
Stuffed animals are always right
My favorite song, my favorite show
I wonder if they even know
Or if they care or if they even notice
I am standing there

I want my pets to come alive
And cheer me up and tell me
Everything's alright
Stuffed animals are always right
Everything's alright
Stuffed animals are always right
Alright..

My eyes all red, the baby's wet
And someone has to get that phone
I want my pets to come alive and
Cheer me up and tell me
Alright...I lock the door and lock my head
And dream of butterflies instead

i'm scared

i have beeen scared the whole day, i can't seem to get my mind off something. i know it's wrong, but yeah. dami nangyari eh. it's so sad. i'm depressed. stating the obvious sucks. it's computer class right now and i don't really know becausei haven't been listening in. truth comes slowly. what else. my friend's leaving real soon and it's really sad, we can't even maximize gimmicks because everyone's so busy in school. one thing's sure, we're all going to miss the people who are leaving. why does everyone have to leave anyway? okay, stupid question. umm, yeah. so. i don't know..i'm just really scared right now and i don't know what to do. cheesy huh? hirap na to lose any friend but even harder to lose a friend and know that the person is just there. i'm not making any sense am i? well, nothing makes sense right now, not even microsoft excel.

happy thoughts:

1. i studied well for the math exam and my teacher said i got the hard bonus part right
2. rehearsals today and that's something to get my mind off things.
3. it's 3:16 and we'll vbe dismissed at 3:30, yeah!!
4. more free time
5. umm, i have a lot of homework and i need to use the computer today and i'll find out something i have to find out
6. malapit na mag feb 11, and after that, i'll be able to sleep earlier
7. i saw a white butterfly. only my family knows what this means
8. i think that maybe God does hear me after all sometimes and that everything will come at its own time. i hope that that time comes soon
9. i have something to look forward to
10. i have something to do

yeah, amidst the sad times, there will always be things to smile about. yeah!!:p haha, oh well, i gotta do the computer stuff in order for me not to fail.

dedicated to my mom

Musings

Over and over again, I hear my mom's voice singing the lullabies that she composed. "Go to sleep, my dear little baboy!!" "I love you forever, I'll like you for always...as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." I'll never forget the way I giggled and the way I felt her love filling the room to its four corners. I was coated with love, enough love to get me through life. It's like the way a clown fish depends on its habitat to coat it with mucus so it won't get stung. That's how much I was cared for by my mom. She loved me so unconditionally, and accepted me for who I was. "Presenting, Hannah Reyes, the girl with the golden voice!!" And every time she said that, I would grin wide and sing my lungs out like nothing mattered. And in the end, nothing did. I lived for who I am because of her. She accepted my flaws and she made me feel like I was the most beautiful girl she knew. And in a way, the love she gave me pulled me through. I'll always thank God for putting me in this position, in this family. I am an empty vessel and my mom filled me up, she made sure of that. My mom is always there to give me what I want, what I need, and occasionally what I neither want nor need. I guess in a way, that makes me a bit spoiled, but my mom made sure that I knew what was right and wrong. She never used violence in disciplining me, she just explained everything and she trusted me to get things. Ever since I was in her stomach, she was already caring for me, nurturing my future, playing classical music and stuff. I am always happy that she never thought of having me aborted or adopted. I am thankful for everything that she has taught me, every word, every deed, and every thought. I am thankful for every time that she dried my tears and for every smile she shared with me. I am thankful for every happy memory that she has given me. I am thankful for every time she lifted me up and for every time she stood by me. I love my mom for knowing that I make mistakes too, and for tolerating me. Sometimes she forgets herself because of me. For that, I'm really sorry. I am sometimes the biggest jerk and my mom tends to be able to put up with that. There are so many times where you just have to marvel at the things that a heart can do, where you marvel on the things that a mom can do. It's amazing, how much a heart can hold. It's amazing, the way a mother loves her child. She'll give up her pride, her beauty, her money and her dignity for a child to love her. I guess there is just something about spending 9 months with a being, regardless of who that turns out to be. A mother takes all the pain and she comes out smiling. That is just amazing. Her hands have the ability to shape a child, to discipline a child, and those same hands are the ones that heal wounds. A mother is one of life’s greatest heroes ever. My mother is my greatest hero of all. She did everything in her power to make me who I am today. My mom will always be the person who is behind me, yet seems happy to "You're a big girl now," my mom would say. Yeah, I'm a big girl now, I guess. But I'll never be me without her behind me. I'd never grow without anyone telling me that I could and would do it. Someday, when I have a child of my own, I want to sing crazy lullabies too. And years from now, I see myself still feeling all the love she's given me long after she's gone. I think that her voice will always soothe me, and that I will always hear her voice singing "I love you forever." I think that someday, the tables will turn. I want to be the one cradling my mom, and be the one singing that song that she composed over and over again.